Rural Dictionary

lateralus

If I told you that Tool's latest album,
Lateralus, was way better than everything
else currently on the market, would you
believe me? Probably not. First of all,
you don't know me. Second of all, you
probably don't listen to Tool, because most
radio stations pretty much ignore them. It's
easier to follow what the radio tells you to
listen to, isn't it? The answer, of course,
is yes. But what if you are looking for more
than the everyday stuff?

It's an undeniable fact that mainstream
music is becoming bland. The record
companies churn out single after single
of "one hit wonders", creating radio
garbage. Manufactured artists with no
potential play their song, make some money,
and then are never heard of again. ("Who
Let the Dogs Out" anyone?) It has been
happening since the beginning of Rock and
Roll, and it probably will continue on
forever. The only problem is that it seems
to be getting worse. One has to ask him or
herself, "How many of these bands are going
to be remembered thirty years from now, the
way bands like Led Zeppelin and the Rolling
Stones are remembered today?" Yes, every
era has had its share of bands that come and
go faster than Mick Jagger's voice at a
Rolling Stone's Concert, and there is no
stopping them. So why not go for something
different?

It is hard for the average music fan to
change his or her taste. Your average music
fan usually starts off listening to what his
parents listened to, simply because he is
not aware of anything else. Then, he turns
the dial on the radio, and discovers rock,
rap, pop, and other exciting genres. At
about the same time, the average music fan's
friends start to turn the dials on their
radios, too. As they get older, they
collectively start to worship a certain type
of music. Then, whatever their radio
station of choice tells them what listen to,
they blindly obey. It doesn't matter that
the quality of the music is steadily
declining. The radio says do it, and then
like the sheep humans are, they listen to
the voice. Then the sheep run to the music
store and spend fifteen to twenty dollars on
a compact disc containing one popular song,
and forty minutes of noise. Two weeks
later, the family dog chews happily away at
the shiny round thing it found in the
garbage can. For some people, this cycle
will never end.

For others however, it does. Around their
late teens, some people start to notice that
there is other music out there. It doesn't
get played on the radio. Naivety may have
told them its because the music is
not "good enough", but they now know
better. It's too good. The average music
fan won't like it because it doesn't make
sense to him. The radio won't play it
because the average music fan won't listen
to it. Progressive rock tends to fall under
this category.

Progressive rock is like modern rock;
however, it is smarter, longer, and
instrumentally diverse. Progressive rock
does not get played on the radio because
after five minutes, the average music fan
gets bored. This is very unfortunate,
because progressive rock is spectacular. It
can move a person in ways that regular
mainstream music can't. Some like to refer
to it as "smart rock". Pink Floyd is good
example of a great progressive rock band,
which did make it big. That is because
during the seventies, long instrumentals
were popular and were allowed to be played
on the radio. Today, they are not. Pink
Floyd's "The Wall" is the definitive
progressive rock album. Many are
comparing "Lateralus", by Tool to The Wall.

"Lateralus" is not like "The Wall". Yes
they are both long, and they both have a lot
of synthesizers in them. That would be the
end of their similarities. Neither one is
better because they cannot be compared. So
why try? "Lateralus" is not a typical Tool
album either. None of its songs sound
like "Sober" or "Prison Sex". Tool has gone
a few steps higher with this album. It is
meant to be heard all at once, almost like
an opera. It is slow. Not slow in its
speed, but slow in the way it gets from
point A to point B. While a good riff in
any other song gets heard a few times before
the song is over, a Tool riff is explored
like it could be the cure for cancer. The
riff plays on, only slightly changing, to a
point of hypnosis, before the song
continues. The members of Tool are not
afraid to do this. They aren't worried if
the song exceeds ten minutes in length.
They don't care that this kills their chance
of getting on the radio. Tool is simply
interested in making beautiful music.
Beautiful music may be an odd word to use on
an album that is so heavy and full of
anguish. But it is beautiful the way fire
is beautiful. It is destructive yet
captivating. As usual, Maynard James
Keenan's vocals are heavenly, and his lyrics
are deep and poetic. The guitar, base and
drums are rock solid, and play together like
an orchestra. And the synthesizers top it
off, making it eerie and full.

The album is a masterpiece. One can listen
to the radio, and then again, one can find
something better. Lateralus mocks radio
music, and takes pride in the fact that only
a select audience will listen. Perhaps
this is a blessing. Popularity is often a
band's downfall. It would be hard to accept
the fall of a band like Tool.

Lateralus is one of Tools greatest albums.

by TTM March 17, 2005

1102👍 192👎

Mormon Assault Vehicle

Commonly Called a MAV.
Mormon women drive them around all day long, to cart their litter of children around to and fro.
A tipical MAV is a Hummer, Ford Excursion, Ford Explorer, Ford*, Nissan Titan, Suburban, Denali. Any grosly oversized vehicle (commonly called a SUV)
Usually gets less than ten miles per gallon when fully loaded with children.
To spot a MAV, simple look at the driver. Is she a woman? Is her hair done up, is she wearing makeup? Does she have those fucking half see-through shiny silver glasses? Is you said yes to these, you have successfuly spotted a MAV.

A MAV may come equipped with some of the folowing items, this is how you can tell its being driven by one hip-ass mom:
Rims
Spinners
Tinted Windows
Spoilers
After market Xenon lights

Note: 99% of the time trucks are NOT MAV's, as they are usually driven by men and cannot hold many children. Crew cabs are an exception!

These damn women driving their MAVs, get off your fucking cell phone so you dont fucking hit me!

Damn, check out the milf in the MAV!

by TTM September 21, 2004

80👍 47👎

trophy crap

lateralus

Back Out Rule

Mormon Assault Vehicle

Unwritten Rule

hillbilly nose blow

MAV