The Sims

An alright game, with about several million difficulties in The Sims AI...

Sim 1: ZZzzzzz....

-Alarm goes off-

Sim 1: WTF!? Crap, my alarm. I better go to work. Oh no I have to crap, and I can't go through that doorway into the bathroom because a bookcase is slightly blocking it. OH CRAP!

-pisses on floor-

Sim 1: Oh god, my hands are filthy from pissing! I must wash them!

-Sim 1 glances at clock-

Sim 1: 7:59am? I've got plenty of time! Nothing can stop me from washing my stinkin' hands, and I'm still in my pajamas. I'm also about to die of hunger because I wanted to play goddamn basketball all of yesterday, which is my only day off for the whole week!

-crappy carpool pulls up at driveway, stays for three seconds, and quickly speeds off-

Sim 1: Oh well. I'll be fired from my job which I have worked for about five months, without a single promotion, because I couldn't make any friends due to the fact my
house's front yard is uneven, and I can't build any pathways or even the ground out because I have no money, due to the fact I spent it all to make myself happy with an art easel that he barely ever uses. I'm hungry!

-Sim 1 screams and has fit-

Sim 1: Here is my wife, Bella, strolling around the house reading books and poking at the dead fish in the aquarium that we forgot to feed.

Bella: Sims ajhda dasdhasd hgas hdgas hdg!

-Bella points at her stomach-

Sim 1: Oh god, she's hungry again. And I keep telling you, Bella, stop talking in incoherent mumblings! Use your thought-bubbles and speech-bubbles!!

Bella: -creates thought bubble thinking of a cross over Sim 1-

Sim 1: Much better. Anyway, I hear the Repo Man clearing out our house due to unpaid bills! Better rescue our darling daughter from the attic!

Bella: -creates speech bubble picturing a girl with a cross over her-

Sim 1: Oh, right. She's at Military School because we forgot to set her alarm to wake up at the right time... whoops!

-Repo Man claims piano, fridge, TV, bookcase, dead fish, table, five chairs, couch, wardrobe, double bed, single bed, and then the art easel-

Sim 1: Awww! My art easel that I never use!

Bella: -creates speech bubble with tombstone on it-

Sim 1: What are you talking ab-oh crap.

-Bella keels over onto the floor and the Grim Reaper comes in-

Sim 1: Oh my god! My darling Bella! Please, Grim Reaper sir, please bring her back!

-Grim Reaper motions for Paper Scissors Rock-

Sim 1: Alright.

-Sim 1 loses-

Sim 1: SHIT.

-Grim Reaper goes away, and the body of Bella turns into an ornament-

Sim 1: NOOOOO! BELLA WHYY!?!
-cries for eight hours at tombstone-
Oh damn I'm getting hungry. Nevermind, I'm dirty again, somehow. I better go brush my teeth, which is stupid because
I am completely filthy and need a bath, or shower. Ok, my teeth are clean, now since I'm at a mirror, I need to practice my charisma until I pass out...

-hears improvement music in backround after six hours-

Sim 1: YES! I did i..i...t... -passes out-

-Sim 1 falls asleep and wakes up again. Sim 1 calls for pizza-

Sim 1: GSG SDAHGD AJSDG hsgahgdajs hgdkjaH GJHGSAjhg fiASHDAG.

Pizza Service: SHJGDA SKJGD7Y WG $40 DGAG SAHDASDF VSADVGFAGF.

Sim 1: sad sahd.

-Sim 1 hangs up-

Sim 1: I'm still tired. The pizza service will take an hour, I might as well go to bed, and wake up at half past. Even with 30 minutes, I will not make it anyway because it takes me an hour to travel downstairs and take the longest and most drawn out route availible to the front door to grab a pizza which won't appetise me fully at all.

-Sim 1 feels funny-

Sim 1: Erm... I feel... dizzy... -dies-

You: OMFG! FINALLY! I THOUGHT HE'D NEVER DIE! OMFG I HATE THIS GAME!

-You smash computer-

That game sucks. Honestly. Don't buy The Sims.

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