Random
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Random
Brits who went to America killed the natives and were too stingy to pay the small tea tax. They went mad because of the tea deprivation and decided they wanted independence! They swore never ever to drink tea ever again.
Me: Do you at least have a kettle!
Americans: *sweating*
518๐ 137๐
What you call a Karen when you're having a bad day.
I'm sorry, lady, but you're going to have to wait in line like everybody else.
49๐ 13๐
the only shows worth binge-watching. The best one is Modern Family. (Why is everyone so obsessed with Friends! IT'S NOT EVEN THAT GOOD!)
Me: You watched any sitcoms lately?
Him: Yeah! I love Fre...
Me: If you say Friends, I will kill you
Him: I like Modern Family, Modern Family's good
Me: That's better!
29๐ 9๐
The only song that has been sung FAR too many times!
Me: *ages*
Everyone who likes the happy birthday song: Happy birthday to y...
Me: Just give me cake god damn it!
1: the place you can go if you want to visit Hitler, Stalin, or Trump.
2: the holiday resort for Trump supporters.
3: the place you can go if you are not atheist (because it doesn't exist, not because God likes atheists. (not that God exists.)
4: Earth.
Satan: do you support trump?
Trump supporter: yes
Satan: hell's right this way
Trump supporter: what do you mean?
Satan: you're going to hell
Trump supporter: Finally! What took you so long!
3๐ 2๐
The season when you're forced to be happy. If your not, a fat communist comes and beats you up. He enslaves little people who make stuff and fuel consumerism. The fat man in red breaks into your house and delivers gifts which your parents pay for. None of the gifts are free and the 'santa' man is secretly a trillionaire who sells people stuff. Santa is communist but he has his factory in china where he makes the cheap plastic toys.
Society: Santa Claus is coming to town
Me: Christmas already!? It's the jolly fat man! Run for your lives!
7๐ 1๐