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A time when an obese, chubby, and hairy man with a body mass index of 'obesity category III' (before cookies) uses the illegal tactic of breaking and entering to raid your home, steal your cookies, and then leave presents that you will most likely be anticipating for the whole night.
Is literally invisible when you try to catch him in the act. Nothing will work. (Or course, unless, you use thermonuclear bombs.)
"How was your Christmas?"
"A bald obese guy broke into my home and stole my cookies."
"That's nice. What did you get?"
"Coal."
206👍 13👎
A wonderful time when somebody breaks into your house and eats your cookies, whilst replacing the food with presents. <3
"Look! It's Christmas! I wonder if the happy chubby dude left me any presents!!"
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A collection of tradition's from all sorts of European pagan holidays around the time of the Winter Solstice. It used to be a violent party, but somehow became a family holiday. The Church hated Christmas, until they realised that they could "convert" it to Christianity. They claimed that Jesus was born on this day and badaboom badabing, ba-humbug. Now it's alright, I suppose.
Child: Yay! It's Christmas! What did you get me daddy?
Man: Your not my son. I'll fucking buy you something when you earn it, you bastard.
28👍 5👎
The celebration of the birth of commercialism... Oh yea, and Jesus.
I'm gonna set up traps to kill Santa.
4490👍 1010👎
A widely celebrated end-of-the-year profit scam.
Ah, Christmas... the time to total your credit cards in complete disregard of Jesus Christ's birthday.
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Christmas is a fun holiday. On Christmas people get presents and who doesn’t like presents. It is also a time to spend time with family and friends.
Santa: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas
Lucy: Did you Bring presents for us?
Santa: Of course I did
Lucy: Yay! Can we open the presents now?
Rosie: And we can spend time with family and friends
57👍 10👎
People say Christmas is all about Presents, Santa Clause or this one guy named Jesus? Well you see those are all fake. We all know that Christmas is all about one thing and that is......
A swiss colony beef log.
Stockings are hung on the chimney
And the presents are under the tree
And Mamma's in the kitchen
Making some, 'erbal tea
The windows are covered with frost
And the candles are all alight
But as I wander, through this quiet house
Something just doesn't seem right
You see, every year, the neighbours bring us
A Swiss Colony Beef Log
But the neighbours aren't around, around, around
There's no Beef Log to be found this year
No Beef Log
Christmas isn't Christmas
Without a Swiss Colony Beef Log
Without those cheeses and meats
I don't think I can get around
My mother tries to comfort me
She says "Here Son, have some egg nog"
I fucking hate egg nog, seriously
What do I see?
Underneath the tree?
Grandma got a Swiss Colony Beef Log just for me
Ah... Gravy!
Swiss Colony Beef Log, baby!
That's what Christmas is all about!
The roly-poly Colony Beef Log, baby!
Makes a little boy scream and shout!
Deck the halls with balls of Swiss Colony
La la la la la, la la, la la!
Sweet
22👍 4👎