Choate

The by-all-means unworthy rival of Deerfield Academy, and the home to approximately 850 oblivious, self-entitled yuppies-to-be, give or take a few special cases. When they aren't screaming their only “cheer” (undistinguishable howling) at games, they resort to screaming "safety school" at the opposing Deerfield fans. The only irony is that their acceptance rate is a full 8 points below Deerfield's, making Choate a last-resort to many Deerfield applicants. The worst part is, the same students who shower their vicinity with saliva when they shout "safety school" bite their lip and wish they went to Deerfield come college application time, as Deerfield puts up easily better matriculation numbers. So if it isn't the academics that's better at Choate, it is most likely the general decorum, right? Wrong. While Choate has no dress code, allowing them to dress like their cavemen selves as they slouch to classes, Deerfield has an upstanding coat and tie look that denotes respect and class. Finally, Choaties tend to tout their campus and its location as a Garden of Eden, bragging of its relevant place on the map (Wallingford, CT) The only real advantage this gives is that when they get suspended/expelled for their 119-year-old failure to understand basic discipline, it's not a far drive back to their hometown of New York City, where their parents will wonder why they never tutored them for the SSAT, so they could've had a shot at Deerfield Academy.

Therapist: Most of my clients suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, it's really quite troubling.
You: Why is that?
Therapist: Oh, most of them lived not far from Wallingford, CT - home of Choate.

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