Insomnia

A sleep disorder that is represented by difficulties/an inability to fall asleep and/or stay asleep. Usually self-diagnosed by millennials and Gen Zs who stay on their smartphone all night and can’t wrap their head around the fact that exposure to blue light close to one’s hours of sleep will almost guarantee significant issues with sleep onset, sleep maintenance, and sleep initiation.

I can’t sleep, I have insomnia.

“Have you tried staying off your iPad and computer before bed and maybe like, reading a book, talking with family, calling friends, anything like that?”
God no, I’m Gen Z, I am terrified of using phones and books for their actual purpose unless the book has a touch screen.

2👍 11👎

The Lovely Nia

What Bill Burr says in his podcast to notify listeners that it’s probably best to skip the next 30-90 minutes of his podcast because his comedy-killing wife has entered his podcast room and will start cutting his jokes off and interpreting them as statements.

Bill Burr: …and right after that he -- oh look everyone it’s the lovely Nia!

Podcast Listeners: Aiight *turns off podcast*

5👍 5👎

Portage La Prairie

A town in southern Manitoba that suicidal, pity-seeking recovering alcoholics with no life who have mistake children with some greasy hookup from a shopping mall move to from northern Manitoba to try to feel better.

Oh fuck bud I’m gonna kms… actually, wait, nah I’ll just move to Portage La Prairie so I can do it there instead.

6👍 5👎

Mansplaining

Short for “man explaining”. A term that females use to try to make men feel guilty for talking about anything they don’t agree with.

Want to go to Jeffrey’s Diner for dinner?
“Eh their prices are a little high.”
Wow no need to start mansplaining.

36👍 47👎

Brittany Blaster

Having extremely rough pity sex with a broken condom in the back of a 1998-2007 vehicle with a morbidly obese chick that you met online while eating a cold cut combo from Subway without Mayo on a partly cloudy Tuesday before 5pm

Can’t wait for my Brittany blaster this afternoon

Heyyy

Opening line used by females on dating apps. Actual translation reads as “I don’t relate to anything on your profile, I have no interests besides social media and being alone, and have zero creativity so I’m going to put in the least amount of effort in to making you interested in me so that I can get mad and call you a fuckboy when you only reply with hi.”

*dating match*

Hmmm what should I say to make him interested? …oh I know…
Heyyy
“Hi”
Wow he put in like no effort in that reply. What a fuckboy. *unmatch*

16👍 34👎

Sound On Button

The small audio button in the corner of a video that you press on a Facebook video to hear the sound. For some reason, Facebooks interpretation of you pressing this button translates to “I now want to hear the audio of every video, audio clip, movie, TikTok, and advertisement in my news feed because I watched this one clip”

I can’t hear this one.

“Press the Sound On Button in the corner.”
Oh thanks.

“No problem. Just make sure you turn it off before you keep scrolling because Facebook will play every video”