Vasectomy

A vasectomy’s a medical procedure. One that makes you half a man. Remember when you twisted up your garden hose? Well, essentially that is the plan.

You might be wondering how it works…
(Bum bum bum bum) You make a small incision in the scrotal skin. Isolate the vas and (isolate the vas and then you) hold it in position with a towel clamp, then you snip the fibrous tissue (then you snip the fibrous tissue). Now you'll never have to wear a condom when you do it with your wife,
(...or anyone else you do it with. We promise not to tell, like that new hot chick at work. You know, the one who always has high beams under her ribbed-white cotton T-shirt, but then stares daggers at you for checking her out, and it's like, why do you wear that if you don't want attention? But you know you shouldn't think that way because of the sexual harassment meeting you all had to go to. Seriously, how lame was that? And you couldn't help but notice that the female lawyer running the seminar had a huge rack, like, ridiculously huge for someone who has to talk about that kind of stuff. Well, I guess that's the definition of the word “irony”).

Say goodbye to manhood. Say goodbye to babies. Say goodbye to kids like Meg (empty out your sack)

Or you could just get a vasectomy.

Works at stay at home mommy

See “Unemployed”

Name: Shana
Job: Works at stay at home mommy

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Boy it sure is quiet tonight

What suicidal people who work in any branch of medicine (EMTs, nurses, techs, aides, etc) say when they hate their life and all of their coworkers

*finishes a Code Blue call after 46 minutes of CPR*

*staff gets to sit for 30 seconds*

Suicidal Employee: “Maybe it’s just me but, Boy it sure is quiet tonight”
*airplane crashes, school catches on fire, 5 patients have heart attacks, suicide bombing occurs*

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Eksetra

How white girls who intentionally choose to be incorrect pronounce “Et cetera”. Probably the same people who abbreviate “et cetera” as “Ect”.

We were busy, I had to stop at Starbucks, scroll through Instagram, eksetra

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Yakarma Farmer

A person who uses the anonymous social media app “YikYak” and frequently makes posts starting with “x upvotes and I’ll <insert action>”. Common action examples include “ask out my crush” (as if they’re in elementary school), “streak across campus”, “shout out a random phrase during an exam”.

Sad, lonely people do this on anonymous apps because they know it will rack up a lot of upvotes, which, similar to “likes” and “shares”, are the only sad thing that keeps our depressed population alive.

100 upvotes and I will ask out my crush
*285 upvotes*
Comments: “so did you do it?” “Nah he’s just a yakarma farmer”
OP: not at all but uhhhh… “yeah I did! She said yes and we’re grabbing coffee tomorrow! Thanks everyone!!” At least I got lots of yakarma

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I feel attacked

A thing white girls say when they somewhat relate to something on the internet.

“Study proves that overweight girls are fat”
White Girl: Omg I feel attacked!

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Coming out

A thing gay people do when they “don’t want to make a big deal out of it” but then get offended when everyone else doesn’t “make a big deal about it”, throw them a party, and begin praising them as if they are a God

“Mom, dad, I’m coming out”
Good for you, son.

“WHAT???? THATS IT??? WHERES THE FUCKING CAKE?? YOU GUYS HATE ME IM GONNA KILL MYSELF”

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