Steff

Steff's soft blue eyes are as bright as her personality, and her incredible beauty bewilders all those who have the good fortune to gaze upon her. Commonly nicknamed El Stefano, she's known for her fondness of the Dirty Sanchez and golden showers, and her terrible impression of Michael Caine. As beautiful as she may be on the outside, with hair like gold and a personality that will cause you to fall at her feet, be cautious. She's also known as Kitten Kicker Steff, Steff the Bootlegger, Pirate Steff "Crabs" II, Steff The One Who Knocks, Steff The One Who Doesn't Knock, Jamie Oliver, and Steff the Genuine Gentrified Jacket Jacker. Despite these misgivings, her redeeming features outweigh them tenfold. When she holds on to you like she's about to fall off a cliff it makes you feel like you've finally found someone, somewhere, that gives a shit about you. Her ability to forgive both mistakes and terrible jokes is astounding. A must have for your wonderful person collection, she'll shine and thrive at the top of any shelf as long as you keep her in the shade and water her more than the dead houseplants she attempts to nurse.

Not recommended for use in the shower - she's got little bowel control, which for a 23 year old is pretty concerning.

Waterproof up to 10 metres, which when converted to the imperial system is something overly complicated and confusing.
Feed thrice daily - we are not responsible for gas caused by overfeeding.
Keep away from children - choking hazard.

"Where did Steff go?"
"She's right next to you, dude."
"Oh, hey! Didn't see you all the way down there. Maybe invest in some stilts?"

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