Horses

Horses cannot be defined within any genus or indeed any phylum or taxonomic rank. This has led scientists to believe that they are either not of this earth (e.g. Aliens) or are man made. Recently the man made theory has been given more credit. In his book "Horses, why do we need them and Where are there beards" Dr Butterfield of Sheffield England stated "Only Cows and Pigs can be said to be related to Horses, and even they are nothing like them whatsoever" he also added "Horses and Pigs taste good, horses taste like shit". Conclusive evidence that they are not required and therefore man made. Although many believe him to be mentally disturbed Dr Butterfield did also come up with this interesting observation "If you take the head of a Donkey the legs of a zebra and the body of a Shetland pony you've basically got a horse". From this observation he also concluded "I think that there are people assembling them out of these component parts and selling them on the black market". Although all of these comments have been shown to be wildly inaccurate, nonsense and down right stupid it is all irrefutably true. No mention of beards was made except in the title of Dr Butterfield’s books. “This is more proof that it’s all true” he pointed out to an angry crowd at the fashionable horse fare shop in savile row in London.

Real Person> "Horses are real"

Dr ButterField> "Nonsense"

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Soap

For many years soap was thought to be a cleaning product made from pig fat and sodium. This theory has now been proved to be mostly true. In fact, after some extensive research I have found this theory on the internet so it must be completely true.

However there has been one eminent scientist who has challenged this theory over the last few years and has split the scientific community by almost a million to one. Dr Butterfield of Sheffield, England claims in his latest book “Soap don’t eat it its real” that “Soap is basically made of bubbles”. After years of pain staking research Dr Butterfield eventually got hold of some soap. This led him to write an article in the popular scientific journal “Neo Nonsense” titled “Why is there no Superdrug in Sheffield”. This, some say, is the final nail in the coffin of the so called “Pig Fat” theory as there are clearly plenty of Superdrugs in Sheffield. During an exclusive interview I had with Dr Butterfield in the research lab of his Sheffield University he calls “The Puzzle Factory” I asked “What’s all this bubble stuff about”. After about three hours, and I confess I was getting a little hungry, Dr Butterfield came up with the following observation “When you rub soap on your body this produces bubbles. These bubbles don’t appear from thin air”. A confused look appeared on Dr Butterfields face and he promptly fell asleep.

So we have two conclusive theories one is based on pure fact, the other is the figment of an overactive fictional mind. Clearly this debate is going to rage for many years.

Real Person> "I think i'll have a wash"

Dr Butterfield> "No don't that soap is made of bubbles"

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