Illinois consists of two parts: Chicago, and the black abyss beneath it.
Chicago is known all around the world for producing many things, being windy, and the mafia.
But Iâm not going to tell you about Chicago, you all seem pretty well-informed of it already. Iâm going to tell you about â¦. Central Illinois. (âWhat? What did she say? Thereâs a CENTRAL Illinois?â)
The only reason I could see anyone ever coming here is there is moderately good school systems. Never mind the rednecks, terrible weather, and nothing to doâthe schools are good!
Not everyone is a redneck, thatâs an exaggeration. But there are a lot of people who have very distinct red-neck qualities. And donât let me get started on the weather. The summers are dreadfully hot and the winters are freezing. Iâve grown up here all my life, and Iâm still not used to it.
But there are ⦠some good things. Weâve discovered you can make more money if you put âLincolnâ in front of anything. Hey, weâre the âLand of Lincoln,â why not?! We have a lot of nice parks, as an example one close to me: Lincoln Memorial Gardens. Lookie there, two of the things mention rolled into one!
The cornfields I grew up next to are constantly being cut up and houses are always being built, for we have such a good school system here everyone is just flocking in. For now, itâs a relatively nice place to raise you little ones. But in another ten, twenty years itâll be vastly overcrowded. Weâll be like a new Chicago! Oh joy!
Look at how I am, a prime example of how your children will grow up living in Central Illinois. Unless youâre rich. Thatâs the next neighbourhood over.
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