Unwanted Visitor

:an unwanted erection, often occurring at random during the worse time possible for example as your giving a presentation in front of class or as you wait inline for a rollercoaster.

Thomas: Hey man can you go refil the soda?
Jim: I'd love to but I have an unwanted visitor.
Thomas: oh (gets refil)

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Cell phone

An amazing piece of technology that lets you talk to people on the other side of the planet, but is never appreciated.

Jim: My new Iphone is a piece of shit.
Bob: Oh yeah my cell phone is a piece of shit to.