wankometer

It's a device to measure how many wanks you are doing to the hour.

"Oy! You filthy little pervert! You were doing at least 40, and this is a built up area!"

"Sorry officer, I think my wankometer must be broken."

"OK sir put that throbbing red rod back in your trousers and we'll say no more about it."

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wankrageous

Something which occurs to make one resort to an instant and furious wank.

You are taking a peaceful stroll in the park one fine summer's morning when you happen to see a young lady lying on the grass in such a manner that her stocking tops and the gusset of her gleaming white panties are clearly visible. 'That's wankrageous,' you might mutter as you whip out your sausage.

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wanklympics

An event held every four years for the keen young wankers of every nation.

'This is a report form the Barcelona Wanklympics.'

'How does it feel to have won the gold medal for the 100 wanks?'
'The competition was very stiff but I held my own! Pass the tissues mate!'