I thought this was America

Something you shout at the police as they arrest you for getting drunk and starting fights at your son's little league game.

"For what? Arresting me for what? I'm not allowed to stand up for myself? I thought this was America. Huh? Isn't this America? I'm sorry, I thought this was America."

17 seconds

The amount of time it took for the Boston Bruins' hopes of a Stanley Cup to go down the drain.

The Chicago Blackhawks scored 2 goals against the Boston Bruins within a span of 17 seconds in the final minute of Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Final to win the series 4-2.

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Call of Booty Black Cocks

The greatest title for a porn ever. The name is a parody of the popular video game "Call of Duty: Black Ops".

Man A: You know what a great porn title would be?

Man B: What?

Man A: "Call of Booty Black Cocks!"

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Uncle Sloppy Sam

A sexual act in which a person gives a blowjob while humming the U.S. national anthem.

Man: Give this soldier an "Uncle Sloppy Sam"!
Soldier: What the hell is that?
Man: It's where he gives you a handjob...with his mouth while humming the national anthem!

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Paranoid schizophrenic

The crazy nutjobs that believe the US government caused 9/11.

John: The government is out to get you, man! They caused 9/11! They planted explosives in the towers and shot down Flight 93. They shot a missile at the Pentagon. The government wants you dead!

Joe: Jesus! What a paranoid schizophrenic!

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