Lake Forest

Lake Forest is the name of the Best Town on Chicago's North Shore. With Lake Bluff as its Canada and Highwood as its Mexico, Lake Forest forms a utopian microcosm of the United States. Or, at least, how an ideal United States WOULD be if we got rid of all the minorities, the poor, the curly-haired hippy liberals, etc. Lake Forest is proudly white, proudly Christian, proudly conservative, and largely Republican. Lake Forest is largely Upper Middle Class, with a few really rich people living in mansions down at the lakeshore. Unlike the other towns on the North Shore, whose affluence comes from being professionals, which are filled with professors and journalists and artists and lawyers and doctors...Lake Forest gets its affluence from businessmen and bankers. As such, ours is a happy family-values aristocratic affluence, unlike the existentially angsty liberal intellectualite "affluence" of the "New Trier Suburbs". Our people are SMART, not "intellectual". Religious, not "spiritual". And truly have class, not "culture". In other words, we're the real deal. Happy, friendly, safe. Not poser bohemians like the other North Shore towns. And we ARE better looking than most places. And look and dress more NORMALLY. Those New Trier boys with their long curly hair should visit a barber. Looks like dirty pubes on their head. Get a haircut! We are down-to-earth people who get things done and don't take any crap. Things here have to look nice and be non-offensive. We don't want the angsty overachievment of the New Trier kids of parents who can't get over the 70's. We have less venereal disease than New Trier, and less atheist scum. We are not snobs, just proud. It's the myth of intellectualism in the "New Trier Suburbs" that is snobby. We're just regular Americans, down to earth people who just happened to succeed in business, and decided to use it to build a safe and beautiful town with good schools for the kids to grow up in. As such, we don't much care for the rest of the North Shore's angsty constant-rebellion identity crises.

New Trier Boy #1: It's so unfair. Good genes make you rich, smart, happy, and beautiful. Like those Lake Forest kids. They're so smart and happy and athletic and attractive! The girls have such big, perky tits and the guys have such huge cocks!

New Trier Boy #2: I know, it's so unfair. I'm clearly better than them because I can quote Nietzche and my dads are modern art professors. And yet I'm just going to go write some dark poetry and then hang myself with my own long, dirty, curly hair because I can't help but feel inadequate compared to them.

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