dead broke

"dead broke" is the state of being without any money or any available cash reserves whatsoever. More than just broke or skint it means absolutely not having a pot to piss in. More at brassic or tapped out. It is often used in the form of an oral self-evaluation or a defensive declaration by someone hoping to convince others (e.g., a creditor) that he or she is absolutely unable to meet even a small portion of a pecuniary obligation or debt. Such a declarant may well spotlight their penniless state by pulling out and exposing their empty pockets.

"Sorry, I can't pay you anything now 'cause I'm dead broke, man!"

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smack your melon

To "smack your melon" means to hit your head, or noggin on something hard enough to cause a negative physiological reaction, such as a concussion, any cut or abrasion on your scalp, seeing stars, or even just getting a noticeable headache thereafter. It is usually caused by an inadvertent or unexpected action, such as tripping and falling down, being the victim of a noggin knocker, hitting your head on the dashboard or steering wheel of a car during a crash, or even misjudging the height of a tree branch, or some other low-hanging object, and stupidly hitting your top knot against it while passing by.

Hillary proved that if you smack your melon, you will not have to testify, at least until you recover from the ensuing concussion.