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A person so skilled in the art of skiving that they manage to somehow get paid for doing what the rest of us would be sacked for.
A learned academic who can call surfing the internet and tweeting to her friends work, is a fine example of an uberskiver. All the more so if they are aware of how lucky they are.
Twazzockwidget is a portmanteau word made by combining 3 separate words. Twazzock is said to be derived from combining twat in the sense of a general insult with wazzock, a word from the north of England which means a foolish or inept person.
Added to these is the word widget, a general-purpose term for any hypothetical object to give twazzockwidget.
A twazzockwidget is therefore a person, usually one in a position of authority, whose presence somehow causes the level of competency to be lowered in anyone they have dealings with.
"Who's in charge on your nightshift tomorrow?"
"Don't ask, it's that bloody Martine again!"
Oh dear! No matter how well prepared the place is or who else is working, there is always something that goes badly wrong when that twazzockwidget is in charge!"
Spadge is a term coined in the Scottish kilt hire industry for dried semen on a returned hire kilt. It is derived from a contraction of the words "spunk badge".
"They asked me to clean the spadge off that Hunting Smith with a wire brush, so I told them where they could stick their job" - Sonia, an ex-employee of a kilt-hire company.
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Tumshie is a word used in Scotland for a turnip, and a tumshie lantern was a Jack O'Lantern carved from a turnip- much harder to do than these pumpkin ones!
However,tumshie is not a word from a regional variation of English as stated in a previous entry, though the definition, as far as it goes (see below), is correct.
Rather than coming from a regional variation of English, tumshie is a Lowland Scots (also known as Lallans) word. It is not just a petty nationalistic distinction- though I will admit to a bit of that too. Both modern English in its various guises and Lowland Scots evolved out of an earlier language sometimes called Middle English. Just as both humans and chimps evolved from a common ancestor but are not the same species both Scots and English share a common ancestor but despite what our teachers were told to tell us Scots is not a vulgar form of English but a language in its own right, with differences in some grammar and syntax as well as vocabulary. It is the language Robert Burns wrote in which is why most people who speak English need half his words translated!
The most common use of the word tumshie in modern Scotland is not the turnip definition, but one derived from it. To call somebody a tumshie is a derogatory but not too harsh way of calling them a gullible or foolish person. It comes from the expression "tumshie-heid" meaning "turnip-head".
" See him, he's a richt tumshie- bought the Forth Bridge for scrap as he wis tell't they're building a fifth ain!"
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