townie

Description: The self-conscious ego seeking moron.
Target: Everybody who doesn't look like them (E.g. Goths, Grungers ect..)
Usually based around the coasts and inner city areas. The common townie prefer to wear rolled up addidas trousers with a distinctive double white strips running up the outside of both legs, along with matching nike trainers with ugly mooboot style grips on the underside however the most common townie will have no colour co-ordination what-so ever and mistakenly think purple and green look as they say "Cool mate".
Wear hoodies which are beige, blue or occassionally black and baby blue or pink for the females. Avoiding labels at all costs however, replace them with words such as "Cuba, 1976, Baby, Princess, ect.." all of which have no actual meaning to them.
Topped off with "massive" amounts of jewerlly which they call by the name "Bling Bling".
* For the male of the townie species "Bling Bling" will be one gold stud and perhaps a chain around their necks which originate originally from the female jewerlly section in the argos catalogue.
* For the female townie species they prefer to wear ridiculously "massive" gold looped earings bought from claire's accessories for 50p in the sale which they claim to be worth £20, hands covered in 10p rings, and several gold crosses and chains which originated from their arch enemy: The "Goth" or "goff" as they prenounce.
The majority of townie morons have pizza faces and as a insecurity accuse others to be "f***in' mingers" (minger meaning: ugly bastard/bitch). However the female townie attempts to cover their blemishes with tonnes of cheap make-up, blue mascara, with a lining of thickly spread silver eye shadow across the eyelids. The consiquence of this creates an orange glow which can be noticed from several meters away.
A wide variety of townies prefer to consider themselves 'rich' although when insulting them of there income they prefer to reply with "oi, ya sayin' im poor?'. After this remark it is advised to exit hastly before they gather their "Posse" to "Beat tha' shit outta' ya".
Townies have managed to produce their own language which manages to reproduce the word 'Fuck' in each sentence. Other words are abrehivated english words such as 'Innit' (Translation: Isn't it)Unfortunatly this is only the only word that makes sense to a normal human being.
It is advised to avoid eye contact with any townie otherwise you may become "in for it". To retaliate can result in injury of the victim. This consiquently will inflate the townie's overated imaginary ego.
If approached it is wise to use bigger words such as "unnecessary". This will confuse them and will give time for an exit.
Stay safe...dont show any emotion with a townie and his/her posse!

TwigZ xxx

As the Goth stands with his girlfriend. The townies approach their victims. As the goths glance in the townies direction for a split second the townie catches on and starts to approach the goth...
Townie: "Oi goff startin'?"
Goth: "No...i'm not"
Townie: "Ya f***in gay batty"
Goth: "What...?"
Townie: "I'm gonna f***in beat the sh*t outta' ya"
Goth: "Erm...wat have i done to you to start this"
(townie replies with random amounts of noises before goth gets impatient and walks away)
Townie: "f***in batty, i got 'im good"

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