tartan paint

A fictional item that is used to send new people in the workplace on a wild goose chase.

Right then first of all what I need you to do is go down to the shop and get a tin of tartan paint

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Alan Smith

The most average person on the planet.
Works in an office and has nothing interesting about him.

Guy 1: Who is that guy
Guy 2: I'm not sure.... it could be Alan Smith