Business School

A pyramid scheme to separate liberal arts majors from their trust-fund allowance. The scheme relies on false promises of high ROI, social rank, beer and Rotel on Fridays, a prom night do-over, and a view of the top 2% of the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum, providing insight into the human condition.

The top of the scheme is dominated by prep school spawn that receive revenue from participants but make most of their money from contracting gigs pitched through their university press “publications.”

The second tier joins two unique groups, a group of smart top-tier candidates that serve as sexual partners, breeders, and ego fluffers to the top tier in hopes of moving up, and a group of sexed-out top tier members that do not have the physical looks sufficient for the promotional material. The second group, known as “Deans,” are generally considered outcasts within the top tier.

The bottom feeders are IT workers that chew up a staggering 20-30% of the revenue. As master con artists, this bottom group benefits the most via telecommuting agreements. Unnecessary equipment is bought from friends and placed where a row of cubicles would normally provide a habitat for revenue generators in most schemes. Some speculate the lights on the equipment blink hypnotically and subdue higher tiers before being easily outsourced to the cloud. This group garners additional revenue from “work@home” side gigs which fund spiritual retreats on the California coast and drug-gorged orgies.

Yeah I got suckered at a California business school. I blew 80k and my junk grew a second head.

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Bay Area Business School

A pyramid scheme to separate well educated liberal arts majors from their trust-fund allowance. The scheme relies on false promises of high ROI, social rank, beer and Rotel on Fridays, a prom night do-over, and a view of the top 2% of the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum, providing insight into the human condition.

The top of pyramid is dominated by prep school spawn with low likeability. They live on a revenue stream from participants, but make most of their money from contracting gigs pitched through their university press “publications.”

The second tier joins two unique groups, a group of smart top-tier candidates that serve as sexual partners, breeders, and ego fluffers to the top tier in hopes of moving up, and a group of sexed-out top tier members that do not have the physical looks sufficient for the promotional material. Known as “Deans,” they are considered outcasts in the top tier circles.

The bottom feeders are IT workers that chew up a staggering 20-30% of the revenue. As master con artists, this bottom group benefits the most via telecommuting arrangements. Unnecessary equipment is bought from friends and placed where a row of cubicles would actually provide a habitat for revenue generators in most schemes. Some speculate the lights on the equipment blink hypnotically and subdue higher tiers. This group garners additional revenue from “work@home” side gigs which fund spiritual retreats on the California coast and bottom-shelf gorged orgies.

Yeah I got suckered at a Bay Area business school. I blew 80k and my junk grew a second head.

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The Program

A vague idyllic promise of success to lure parents into footing the bill for yet another useless graduate degree. Love junkie, lost, spoiled followers use this vague idea sculpted by school’s marketing materials of professors looking smart, students looking awake, and doctored photos of old buildings looking prestigious to convince themselves and parents of the merit in investing another 100k in their near useless kid, known by the step-dad simply as “sleep and eat.”

“Mom, I know a MA in Education at Harvard is useless, but I just fell in love with the program.”

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work@home

Government service jargon and employee shorthand for defrauding taxpayers. Used as a noun, and certainly never as a verb, it describes a state-of-being generally accompanied by euphoria and giddiness from stealing from the “man.” Except, in this case, it is not the “man”, it is the people. The state-of-being derives from sweet contracting side gigs while sitting at home on the government dime, saving both on childcare and gasoline for your new sweet SUV that you only have drive to “work” two days a week.

Although the state-of-being is generally continuous, it is sometimes interrupted by home chores, trips to Sam’s Club, meetings with side gig clients, and lines at Starbucks. The state-of-being is highly contagious among peers, and newcomers are taught to be giant assholes by the veterans until the impotent management says “fuck it, I’d rather these turds stay at home in bliss than interrupt my web surfing, and if I am the only one at work, it makes me look important.”

“I get so much more done when I work@home.”

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Yoga Workout

1) Misnomer.

2) A conversational ploy by fat girlfriends to seduce boyfriends into a besieged position. This argumentative ambush was modeled on the Vietnamese artillery bushwhacking of the French army after luring them to the Valley of Dien Bien Phu. The phrase is asserted as truth, seemingly begging for the obvious counter-argument that yoga is only a workout if you aren’t fat else maybe you need the treadmill.

“I am going to my yoga workout.”

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