Joplin, Missouri

A Midwestern city in Missouri with about 51,000 people. In Joplin, you are either a weed-smoking gay person who can’t wait to get out, or an ultra-conservative Christian who thinks that Planned Parenthood was run by Satan, worships Donald Trump, and attends one of the thousands of churches here. Most famous for Route 66 and the May 22, 2011 tornado. The north side of town is where you can find the not-so-rare Joplin Tweaker, who you can find dancing around higher than heaven and stealing Walmart bikes. The south side of town is where you find all of the houses built by Schuber-Mitchell, and where you find zero trees. Joplin features Joplin High School, which was destroyed in the tornado. It looks fancy, but it was shoddily built. It’s claimed to be EF5-proof, but 90% of the building is glass. The teachers and administration are fine, but the school board is full of wannabe conservatives who hate students and regularly fuck over the school. Joplin is represented in Congress by Billy Long, the Janna the Hutt-lookin’ motherfucker from nearby Springfield.

Little Johnny: Mommy, where are we?
Mom: We’re in Joplin, Missouri!
Little Johnny: Who’s that?
Mom: Why, that’s just a naked heroin addict talking about how the Democrats are going to cause the apocalypse!

5👍 1👎

Kansas

A flat, boring wasteland. I’m sure the people are nice, but it’s basically a state-sized insane asylum

Jack: I had to drive through Kansas in order to get to Colorado
Jim: Damn dude, I’m so sorry. Are you ok?
Jack: Not really, by the time I was 10 miles into Kansas I wanted to commit suicide.

1👍 1👎

Neosho, Missouri

A miserable, shitty town full of people who think that Democrats were created by Satan. The schools here are dogshit and are run by the most unqualified people possible

Person 1: I love Neosho, Missouri!
Person 2: Dude, who hurt you?