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A complex formula for determining the optimum level of window-opening required in an office.
x = (3.4 I/T) + (D/3) / WY
x = amount of window-opening required
I = irritation caused to colleagues by window-opening, measured in furyons
D = thickness of denim jacket worn by the window-opener, measured in Status Quos
W = daily amount of non-window-opening work done by window-opener
Y = yellowness of hair of window opener
As W always equals 0 the solution to the equation is always infinity.
Newton: That's what I hate most about Felders. Opening windows willy-nilly.
Hovis: Its not as random as it appears. He can't embark on his window-opening tours without first solving the Feldman Equation.
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The lowest possible working gear. To operate in Rose mode is to carry out one's duties at a rate which results in a practically inappreciable output.
Newton: Felders has done hardly any work this week.
Hovis: I know. Apart from the window-opening he's been in Rose mode since last Tuesday.
Newton: God, I hate that yellow-haired twat.
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The practice of taking months off work with "stress", returning for a day or two just before half-pay kicks in, then going back on the sick. Formerly known as Clarking this practice has been honed to a fine art by certain civil servants.
Newton: Haven't seen Felders for a while.
Hovis: I know. The yellow-haired twat is Radzing again.
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A complete dullard of a civil servant whose boring, grandadesque demeanour was the perfect mask for his other life of demented serial killer. By day a sober individual struggling to understand farmland maps, always an uphill struggle destined to end in sheer bafflement and a well-disguised simmering of resentment; by night a machete-wielding maniac intent on spilling blood by the hogshead.
Is that Chris over there, butchering a prostitute?
Who the fuck's Chris? That's Jacko the Ripper!
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