Tikdiction

(noun): a compulsive, chronic, psychological need to view TikTok videos, esp. frequently or for prolonged periods; the state of being Tikdicted

Tikdicted (adjective): the psychological phenomenon of being addicted to TikTok

© Copyright 2022 Chris James Bayer

My Tikdiction has spiraled out of control. It’s eating into the time I spend figuring out Wordle!

nunting

The Japanese word for nothing, usually stated in an aggressive and pissed-off way.

Jonathan: "Momma, can we stop at Dairy Queen and get some—?”
Momma: “You will get nunting and like it!”

2👍 2👎

tizz

Minuscule flecks of vomit that spatter beyond the targeted barf zone.

“Jimmy, I’m afraid you have some tizz on your jacket from when Phat Kid ralphed on the bar.”

3👍 1👎

rearrange

The act of an individual with male genitalia reaching into his (or her) drawls to physically move his (or her) dick and ballsack around in an effort to optimize comfort—usually whilst sitting down, and often performed in public.

Seated at the picnic table across from Aunt Phoebe, I found that my thighs were squishing my junk and I was kind of sitting on top of my Schwetty balls, so I had to rearrange.

7👍 6👎

BPLD

(Bayer-Peterschmidt Level of Disgust)

A psychosocial metric developed by Chris J. Bayer and Gene T. Peterschmidt in 2023 which presents respondents with a Likert-type scale, where 1 is lowest (level of disgust) and 10 is highest.

The disgust response can be triggered by events, people, or concepts—spanning the entire scope of contextual circumstance.

The Bayer-Peterschmidt Level of Disgust (BPLD) scale applies to any stimulus which invokes disgust and repugnance in the respondent. Scenarios range, for example, from smelling a stank-ass seafood dish in a restaurant, to sitting in mind-boggling traffic, to witnessing a bunch of middle-aged white people dancing to "It's Still Rock ‘n Roll to Me" by Billy Joel.

All data is qualitative, and based on lived experience.

When triggered to be disgusted, the subject’s visceral response will manifest on the following spectrum:

1 = Acknowledgement of problem.
2 = That’s a shame, but it is irrelevant to me.
3 = They (or it) are free to continue existing. Carry on.
4 = Suspicious, and possibly annoying.
5 = Unequivocal revulsion.
6 = Personally impacted and thereby pissed off.
7 = The perpetrator should be embarrassed, humiliated, or decommissioned.
8 = The perpetrator should have never been born, or manufactured.

9 = The perpetrator must be PUNISHED, and destroyed.
10 = ANGER.

Example Score of 6 on the BPLD:

It pisses me off when old people enjoy eating a tomato. Like it’s some fucking delicacy. And they pronounce it “tomaduh.” Like, “Mmm (smacks lips), this is a good tomaduh.” Stop pretending to be some country bumpkin, and like you’re a pro at tasting tomatoes. Just fucking eat it and STFU.

dickz

dickz (n.) = graphical depictions of the phallus in public venues (e.g., city walls, subways, railway trestles, bridges, street signs; bar/club bathrooms; greenspace/park murals; select church pews; pretty much anywhere you can think of); aka, penis graffiti

Word Origin: Scholarly and empirical evidence indicates this term was coined by Chris James Bayer in August 2023. Anecdotally, the word "dickz" proved to be useful in texting because Bayer used it repeatedly in text missives until his iPhone 13 learned the word was acceptable in its predictive algorithm, thereby precluding autocorrect from adjusting the word "dicks" to read "ducks," which pissed him off.

“Teaching Apple’s AI the word dickz was all I could do to get my First Amendment rights back.”

honky dip

honky dip (n.): a standard component of white people's smorgasbords on the dining room table whilst hosting social gatherings; aka, hummus

Brent: “Dude, you used a pretzel stick to draw a penis in the roasted red pepper honky dip.”
Chris: “I did.”