Rapetry

A type of poetry used to lull potential rape victims into a false sense of security before the attacker makes his move.

Hey Juan, I saw this hot drunk chick walking home alone the other night so I pulled over and was all like "Roses are red, violets are blue, get in the car, i've got a knife", and the girl was like "oh no you di'int", and then she realised that actually, I did.

Rapetry really works.

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Wank Mit

A mitten used to aid masturbation. Often knitted from wool. A posh alternative to the wank sock.

Available in male and female flavours.

Tobias, my mom just found one of my wank socks and put her hand inside it!", "Dude, you really need to buy a wank mit, they're washable too