fuckscope

A clever device built into a man's brain. The fuckscope is able to locate, range find and allow precise navigation in a crowded bar/club to an available fuck.

Dude 1: "I was out last night and my fuckscope scored a direct hit."
Dude 2: "Yeah? Way to go!"
Dude 1: "Yeah, hot damn bitch, fucked my goddam brains out!"

3👍 3👎

cigar merchant

Another derogatory term for a homosexual man. So named because, like a cigar merchant, he likes to put a good hand rolled length in his mouth and take a long, leisurely drag on it.

"Hey, check out the fag over there - a real cigar merchant."

8👍 5👎

Mersey steamer

Northern English term originating in Liverpool. A very large and noxious shit.

Scouser 1 (just vacating a toilet): "Keep out of there mate."
Scouser 2: "Why, mate?"
Scouser 3 (wafting his hand): "I've just berthed a Mersey steamer!"

2👍 7👎

suspension breaker

A fat chick. A chubber. She who gets into a car and makes it virtually collapse due to her overweight massive flabby-ass.

"Dude! Your new girlfriend? Ditch that chick. She's a chubber and if you let her in your car you'll find she's a suspension breaker."

4👍 1👎

Hugh Jarse

A very nice person. Also, a traditional joke.

"Say, that's Hugh Jarse."

31👍 7👎

Folkestone

Seaside town on the south east coast of England. Population around 50,000. Features of note: Debenhams (geriatrics' department store), two branches of Sainsbury's (a British supermarket), The Leas Cliff Hall (entertainment venue for once great acts before they finally fold or retire), for some reason a couple of very good grammar schools (The Folkestone School for Girls, The Harvey Grammar School), The Channel Tunnel and also 304 funeral directors.

Minor features: A pleasant fishing harbour, a soft drinks factory (Silver Spring Mineral Water Co Ltd), some chalk hills and a town centre infested with Chavs. Focal point of life for under eighteens is probably McDonald’s or KFC. For the over 65’s then it’s one of the 285 General Practitioners the town boasts – or the Cardiac Unit at the William Harvey Hospital, Ashford, prior to the services of the above mentioned army of undertakers.

Folkestone is not a young person's town, though does seem to be a minor magnet for asylum seekers. You can often see the police picking them up on the motorway where they’ve just popped out of the back of some unsuspecting lorry that’s just arrived on the Eurotunnel or on a ferry in Dover.

Yes, I've been to Folkestone. Biggest departure lounge in Britain - thousands of old codgers shuffling around waiting for the Grim Reaper or a Blue-Cross Saver Day at Debenhams. The air was full of vultures waiting for an easy meal.

35👍 10👎

spidering

Yet another term for anal sex. This one is when that damn old asshole is a big hairy bastard - like a spider. As found on dirty women who don't know Jack shit about shaving.

Dude 1: "That new chick from Accounts? She's one hairy bitch!"
Dude 2: "Yeah! Time to go spidering, Dawg!"

9👍 28👎