I-495

Interstate 495 is the 64 mile stretch of highway that was developed in a dishonest attempt to provide a limited access road for the Capital Region area. Widely known as the “Capital Beltway”, “The Beltway”, or simply “Satan’s Lube Hole”, this 64 mile stretch of Interstate Highway provides the Maryland, Virginia, and Washington D.C. populations an area to abandon their most supremely inept and inconsiderate vehicle operators. Although it cannot be determined if Satan’s Lube Hole, or I-495, was created by an actual engineer (or someone in the proximity to possessing an education), Satan’s Lube Hole features both left and right bias exits, abrupt lane shifts, and indefinite construction changing the configuration weekly. Although design standards don’t require curves at specific distances in the alignment of an Interstate highway, the southern portion of Satan’s Lube Hole features an incoherent series of curves that appears as if the alleged designer simply said “Screw it”. This can be seen to force the flow of traffic from approximately 55mph to 40mph, and any bystander will every left lane traveling Minivan, Prius, automatic convertible 3-series, breaking with the skill of an aborted Jackalope.

"Man, It took me three hours to get through Satan's Lube Hole today; one way even!"

" 'Satan's Lube Hole'? You mean I-495?"

"Yep, good ol' 495."

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