Life

Seemingly endless pain and suffering. What you thought that was bad? Now you have to come to terms with the fact that you are now in a perpetual state of decay, with your mind very slowly degrading as you age, and until the moment your body decides to finnally give up on its self (or you get killed some other way) you have to pay to continue existing!! Hurray!! At least you have an endless black void to go to when you aren't suffering in the waking world- wait, you can suffer there too? Aw shit.

Buddy, you better hope there is a way to crawl back into the womb, cuz you're fucked.

"Urgh, I hate life"
"No! Go out and live it!"
"What's life?"
"Pain"

"JIMMY NO-"

Dsmp

Trauma incarnate.

Basically where a telly tubby, a pig, and a very loud child run around committing war crimes, and everyone dies in the end because fuck happy ending I guess. Also people decided that nations are a good idea and now we have a very sad bird and a lanky zombie with glasses, then we have a Traumatised zombie child.

Also nukes. Lots of nukes. And depression, we have that too.

"Really? What fanfoms do you like?"
"Well I like supernatural, but im a massive fan of the dsmp-"
"AHHHHHHHHH" *runs away*
" Oh. Why do they do that every time?"

Florence

All people named this are absolute Raving bitches.

Probably have a crowd of friends.

Fucking stupid.

Bully kids.

Again, Raving bitches.

Cunts. The lot of them.

"HEY have you seen Florence-"
"DIE MOTHERFUKER"
"O-okay wtf-"

Death

Relief. Or pain. You don't get to pick, as you have about as much choice in this as you did life.

"Wh-what!!!! I'm fucking dead?"
"Urrrr-yes?? Godammit Jerry you should be there at this by now"
"HAHAHA, FINNALLY, THE SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH IN MY GRASP"
"ohshit-"

Alex rider

This poor guy who gets dragged round the world by the MI6 after his uncle dies to the hands of an internstional crime organisation that models itself after a glorified crab with anger issues.

Also, hotake but:
If there were more fanfiction, then I can safely say that they would be better then some of the books.

But apart from that I stan my poor spy boi and press F for Jack

"Alex rider, you are required in whatchamacallit to take down fuckmeimtired in operation mywilltoliveisdrainingpleasesendhelp"
"Wtf no-"
"PASSPORTS. CARE SYSTEM. DEPORTATION FOR EVERYONE-"
"AHHHHH OKAY"
"anyways. We need this done by-"
"Nah fuck this shit I'm out-"
*fades out of exsistence*
*fades back into exsistence*
"Fuck you-"