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Groups of people who eat only Kryptonite for Dinner.
Z:I'm a Kryptonian!
M:You eat Kypton for Dinner?
Z:....Huh?
1👍 10👎
A group of four or more paraplegics.
They tend to roam around eateries and fat people, taunting them by going faster than them even without usable legs.
Dude, let me in!
There's a parallelogram after me!
Hide the Ho-ho's!
13👍 6👎
The day that everyone remembers but will forever remain eternally vague to others that really don't give a shit.
'I remember back in The Day when we used to walk to school barefoot in the snow, uphill both ways.'
'... shut the fuck up grandpa.'
11👍 3👎
Smokey the Badass is the replacement for the old 'Smokey the Bear'.
He has a hook for a leg and his Badassery is unmatched by other bears like Yogi and Winnie.
He urinates pure fire.
I'm badass.
You know who's badass? Smokey the Badass. He pisses fire on forest fires. 'Badass' fire beats fire.
5👍 2👎
The most useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value - you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand-to- hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal ; you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.
More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitch hiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have "lost". What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is is clearly a man to be reckoned with."
If you want to survive out here, you've got to know where your towel is.
guy running away He's got a TOWEL!
140👍 83👎
To comepletely and uterly know zip about what is happening, in which making the victim succeptable to torment afterward.
H:I love animals. I'd like to be a Panther.
Z:Tell me a story about one!
H: OK? Umm, A Panther was walking in the forest.
Z:How old is it?
H:uh young
Z:Oh, is it night or day?
H:Night.
Z: whats it doing?
H:Nothing
Z: Why?
H: because it wants to.
Z: Oh. How bout now?
H:It's running.
Z:After what?
H:A rabbit. It just caught it and has it in it's mouth.
Z: You're the panther right?
H: Sure yeah. So i Bit down on the Rabbit-
Z:You bit down on a rabbit!?
H: yeah, wait no!
Z:Thats horrible!
H: Thats not fair, now i'm confuzzled!
2👍 1👎