ZOOMorial Service

A contingency online funerary requiem forced by COVID social gathering restrictions.

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.
Yeah, very sad. He was only 42.
What are the funeral plans?
We can't have one. It's gonna be a ZOOMorial Service because of COVID.
Damn, send me an invite.

COVID Part II

The consequence of using failed logic, unfounded hunches and unsubstantiated conclusions to determine when it would be 'safe' for a pandemic-stricken nation to resume customary operations.

So, let's see...
Ignore the warnings of the scientific community: check.
Disregard evidence from the experience of other countries: check
Claim victory over the disease prematurely despite evidence to the contrary: check
Down-play the very real possibility of disease resurgence based on modelling analysis: check
Distort the facts in evidence in deference to political rather than ethical motives: check
Berate, disparage and demonize any dissenting opinion, opposition or critical analysis: check
OPENING SOON: COVID Part II

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Health Hugger

A largely derogatory term for individuals with a genuine interest in preserving overall health and wellness by following guidelines based on scientific reasoning, the opinions from experts and data generated from valid clinical studies.

Awww, man...Just git a look at that Health Hugger over yonder. Don't he know that wearin' a face mask just makes ya breathe in more of that there virus, de-prives yer brain of oxygeen and ain't never been proov'd ta work anyway?
Yeah, I see him. He appears to be as much concerned about everyone's wellbeing as you sound like a fucking idiot...BIGLY!

tweet SCREAM

The use of ALL CAP letters as a written social-media equivalent to actual verbal shouting, screaming or ranting

NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION...COMPLETE EXONERATION!!!
(what about asking that other country to dig up shit on your 2020 election opponent?)
PERFECT CALL, BEAUTIFUL CALL...NO QUID-PRO-QUO!!!
(sorry, a TWEET SCREAM is not exculpatory...DO BETTER!!

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caustic euphemism

A substitute word or phrase that, while constructed to be socially more acceptable, drastically subtracts from the legitimate intent and purpose of the original.

So, how do we go from 'shell-shock' to 'battle-fatigue', from 'old dude' to 'senior citizen', from 'rape victim' to 'unconsenting intimacy participant'? Because our culture thrives on caustic euphemism: The dumbed-down, homogenized, neutralized language of the mindless majority who want it that way...

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fat daddy belly

The juggernaut of creeping midsection mass responsible for male waistline transformation from the taught, muscular 6-pack of adolescence into the pregnant, beer-gut of middle-age; fueled by complacency, physical stagnation and marriage imposed near-celibacy.

Yes, as the cultural signature of both simultaneous success and failure, the fat daddy belly signifies a high degree of financial and social achievement--while at the same time heralding irredeemable physical decline and defeat of sexual prowess...look in the mirror. You've arrived, it's over...

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Turkish De-Lite

The soft and sweet spoils of military invasion.

Well, if trump says it's cool...then it's cool.
Just head on in there and get you some Turkish De-Lite; Syria has dinner ready...

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