Baseball

The timeless act of using large wooden shafts to ejaculate white orbs as far as possible into a leathery receptacle.

This has, in a most peculiar fashion, ceased to become a useful expenditure of one's time, because baseball players are universally the least athletic athletes so people believe and also because baseball has far more use as an elaborate metaphor by which sexually explorative concepts may be explained without flouting the courtesy of the room.

Baseball: Sex

Example Idioms:
If there's grass on the field, it's time to play ball...
Hate the player, not the game...
If you get confused by all the rules, remember to look at the scoreboard...
No one likes the outfield...
Infielders Hit First... But also catch everything...
Perfect games are rare, and are made infinitely worse by drugs and booze, even if more fun.
You can't fight the stats, and superstition is real.

Example Similes:
Pinch Hitter: One who comes in on the failures of another to close a tight seventh inning.
Bottom of the Ninth: The dinner/party is over, it's nine o'clock and wine is flowing, and it's time to fuck or get the fuck out.
Pitcher: lol
Catcher: lol
Outfield: those who wander blindly into a world catching whatever falls into their lap.
Shortstop: the sexual omega
First Baseman: the sexual alpha
Seventh Inning Stretch: You've been grinding all night, you check out into the men's room to see if you can still get hard after all those whiskies, and if not you bounce and go for a sacrifice bunt.
Intentional Walk: She likes you, so she taps you on the upper arm.
Bunt: Not ideal.
Runner Coach: Never fucking hits anything, but tries to coach the runner anyway.
Foul Tip: You bounce around the club after two strikes on a high fastball, and just get numbers because everyone knows you can't strike out if you keep tipping fouls.

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