Only used a couple times

"Only used a couple times" is an expression that literally translates to "used the fuck out of it and am selling it while I can for a few bucks before it breaks." The phrase is extremely common on Craigslist and Facebook yard sales. Oftentimes, after buying something that has "only been used a couple times," you will get maybe a couple of good uses out of it before it breaks/stops working/ignites and by the time you've gone through the hassle of scrapping it, you'll be wishing you would've just bought a friggin' new one from the start.

"I bought a popcorn popper that was "only used a couple times" and the damn things spits out half the seeds."

"I'm not sure why the washing machine makes loud humming noises. The person I bought it from said it was "only used a couple times."

"I bought a Glock that was "only used a couple times," and the slide flew off when I shot it and nearly impaled my right eye."

5404👍 3272👎

Sudden Attack

A sudden attack is a sudden, unexpected, unstoppable need to take a massive dump. Most often occurs in those with Irritable Bowel Syndrome or those who just consumed a large amount of fast food. 95% of the time, a sudden attack doesn't leave you enough time to walk to the nearest crapper forcing you to sprint like a madman which only makes it harder to hold it in. As such, you're forced to clench your asscheeks together as hard as you can resulting in a very awkward looking running posture that is certain to catch the attention and imagination of all nearby.

"That six-pack and a pound sure hit the spot...OH SHIT, SUDDEN ATTACK!"

Bob: Whoa, that guy's running like he just took it in the ass.
John: Probably a sudden attack.

Bob: Are we there yet? I gotta take a dump soon.
John: I think that there's a gas station about ten minutes down...
Bob: OH SHIT, SUDDEN ATTACK, FUCKING FLOOR IT!
John: Goddammit...

8👍 1👎