suicide lane

A lane on a roadway that, depending upon the time of day, changes direction of travel. Sometimes, as in Snellville, Georgia, the direction of travel is noted by an electric sign every 200 feet hanging across the highway. Other times, as in parts of Maryland, there is nothing but a sign.

Example:

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |

From 5am to noon, lanes 1, 2, 3, and 4 are Southbound, lane 5 is a turn lane, and lanes 6 and 7 are Northbound. From noon to 8pm, lanes 1 and 2 are Southbound, lane 3 is a turn lane, and lanes 4 through 7 are Northbound.

The suicide lanes on 78 always creep me out just a bit.

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mrha

"Message received, humor acknowledged." On the internet, everyone types lol when they really aren't laughing out loud. This is a way to say "I am making you aware that I have received your link/message/quotation and discovered that it was indeed humorous. I did not, however, laugh out loud."

You: "Hey, check out this picture on the FailBlog!"

Me: *click click click* "mrha"

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noodle incident

Something that happened in the past. No one talks about it, no one knows exactly what it was. But everyone agrees that it was something embarassing or bad.

From "Calvin and Hobbes".

(At a 20-year High School Reunion)
Wife: Why is everyone looking at you funny?
Husband: They must not have forgotten the noodle incident.
Wife: You never told me about that. What was it?
Husband: ... ... it was... the noodle incident. (looks away shamefully)
Wife: (goes off to find someone to explain this to her)

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safe call

1. An outgrowth of the BDSM safeword, by which you arrange with a friend before meeting someone new that you'll call him/her at a certain time. If your friend receives this call, all is well. If your friend does NOT receive this call, it is the friend's sworn duty to call the police and report a problem. Very popular in a world where you meet someone from the internet who might be crazy.

2. A friend you can call when you want to evoid someone else. You can literally call and start a conversation mid-stream, and your friend knows what you're doing and plays along.

1. Herbert, you'll have to uncuff me so I can make my safe call.

2. It may sound weird when Susan's on the phone, but that's because I'm her safe call.

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poop friend

A friend you're close enough to that you can talk about poop -- having to poop, the smell of it, that you just fired off a big one, that sort of thing. Very valuable.

"Ugh, I still feel like crap. I fired one off 10 minutes ago and it didn't help."
'What, a poop?'
"Yeah... we're poop friends, right? I can tell you that, right?"
'Uhh... yes?'

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standard cycle

The graphable curve by which men can measure the frequency with which they receive blowjobs over the lifetime of a relationship.

If x=days spent in relationship and y=number of blowjobs-per-month, then as x increases, y decreases. The curve usually looks like the positive side of a hyperbolic graph, starting with y being very high and eventually reaching somewhere between 0 and 1, actually hitting zero if the relationship is in the marriage phase.

Dude 1: I used to get a lot of blowjobs, but they tapered off and eventually stopped happening. The standard cycle.

Dude 2: My standard cycle is a straight line that never goes above one.

Dude 1: Your wife sucks.

Dude 2: No, she doesn't, and that's the problem.

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lolcat

A photo of a cat doing a seemingly-innocuous thing, with large text superimposed. Sort of an offshoot of the orly owl. Also called cat macros

"I made you a cookie but I eated it", "ceiling cat is watching you masturbate", and "I see what you did there" are good examples of lolcats.

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