North Jersey

The highly evolved, socially, culturally, and intellectually advanced northern half of New Jersey. Unlike South Jersey folk, when we speak, we communicate intelligent, meaningful thoughts that are not muddied by some pseudo-Philly/Alabama accent. Our neighborhoods are beautiful and historic with green lawns, towering maples and tasteful homes. We do not consider a trailer park a "community." Our time is occupied by endeavours much greater than smoking weed and guzzling cheap beer in a clearing while yammering on endlessly about the Eagles. In North Jersey you can go out to dinner every night for a month and never have the same type of food twice. South Jersey is pretty much all hoagies and Tasty Cakes. Our public schools are consistently tops in the nation, and produce people who are highly successful in their chosen fields. North Jersey is a wonderful, livable place, and any objective outsider would choose to settle here over South Jersey every time. After all, the shore is just a quick car ride from any town in Bergen County. When you're done, you have the luxury of driving home to your amazing Victorian up north. Whereas Pineys are faced with the grim reality of piling, shirtless, into their beat-up truck and returning to a nasty "mobile home community." But not before a stop at the local Wawa for Miller Lite, Marlboros, and a tin of Copenhagen for Grandma.

Me: "Chris, if you and Jennie are interested, Sue and I are headed down to Wildwood for the weekend."

Chris: "No thanks, I'll just watch Deliverance on Netflix instead. North Jersey is far superior"

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