Zoe

Elusive and special, the Zoe is found in rare and select middle schools, you must befriend her, give her a heartfelt parting gift and wait for around 18 years. Then and only then can you catch a glimpse of the gorgeousness that is a Zoe.

She will be your bestfriend and the person you want to spend all your time with. If you can cope with a few weird habits like drinking hot water and the occasional mid-meal desert, having a Zoe love you is scientifically accepted as the coolest thing in the Universe.

Funny and clever, a wild Zoe is not to be messed with. Can appear harmless at first but don't let her beauty and angelic features fool you. Her patented "croches-pattes" are devastatingly effective, combining it sometimes with a little snow throwing can really unsettle even the most powerful.

Once you learn to accept these techniques though, you'll be rewarded with the tender understanding that you've met someone truly special, that will love you and support you even if you make mistakes and are often wrong. And the realization that meeting a Zoe, if you play your cards right, is the last person you need to meet. Because all other creatures become frivolous.

Wow, have you heard of that hip new band, Swagina? I heard a Zoe's in it