punting the snail

Used as the name of a vague sexual act, most often to cover up the fact that one's claims about his or her sex life are contrived.

"Dude, I totally hooked up with that girl from across town again last night! It was pretty kinky."

"Oh really? What'd you do?"

"What'd I do? Oh, um, dude, I was totally...punting the snail."