Carmel

Carmel, CA is a small town located on the southern tip of the Monterey Peninsula. 90% of the population are tourists; the rest are known fondly as newly weds and nearly deads. Any non-tourist seen below the age of 60 in Carmel (aka, the city employees) actually live in Monterey, Seaside, or Salinas: this is due to the fact that even in the worst economy, a 1-bedroom, 1-bath shack can sell for more than $3 million.

Carmel is most famous for its beach, which is one of the few left in California that allows unleashed dogs. This results in a large number of territorial, dog-obsessed old ladies walking the beach at all hours of the day, screaming at tourists/adolescents who use the beach for non-dog related purposes.

Carmel is also known for its shopping. Its main street, Ocean Ave, is packed full with art galleries and jewelery shops: the only shops capable of supporting the city's expensive rent. Nobody who lives in Carmel can afford to shop there, instead going to Monterey or Seaside for those things that Carmel lacks, such as food or clothing.

Carmel houses a number of special events that always attract a fair amount of tourism. The Bach Festival celebrates great musicianship and is held at the gorgeous arts theater, the Sunset Center. In July, rich men come from all parts of the world bringing their never-driven, hourly waxed, and extremely loud antiquated cars for Carmel's car show and race, the Tour de Elegance. Carmel's Forest Theatre runs performances throughout the year, and has remarkably excellent shows, considering the Monterey Bay's small population.

With all this in mind, it is surprising to think that Carmel has such things like a city council, church, school, local newspaper, and local radio station (AM 1416, KRML). Clint Eastwood was once the mayor of Carmel-by-the-sea, giving Carmel's undeserved reputation of being packed with Hollywood celebrities. More notable figures in Carmel history include San Junipero and Bill Bates, who draws cartoons of Carmel but can't afford to live there.

Carmel has been compared to paradise, and given names such as "the jewel of California," just like all the other expensive, boring, beach towns in California.

Taken from real Carmel conversations:
Tourist: Which way's the beach?
Local: Up this very steep hill.

Beach walker 1: How dare you bring a pit bull down to the beach?!
Beach walker 2: She's a boxer!
Beach walker 1: I won't stand for any aggressiveness down here, do you hear me?
Beach walker 2: You're a dog-nazi!

Tourist: How much is the lemonade?
Seller: That'll be six dollars.
Tourist: That's outrageous! Do you take 100 dollar bills?

Tourist: Do you live here?
Local: Yes, ma'am.
Tourist: Oh, and you're a student, at the local library, with a backpack and everything! How cute! Can I take your picture?

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