Rural Dictionary

catholic

Catholic:

The following is the definitive answer to the what is a Catholic.

1.)a homophobic person who renounces homosexuality yet endorses pedophilia committed by it priest... There have been thousands of priest who have been found to have abused children sexually but have not been arrested or received any punishment for their actions.
The Vatican is aware of the miss-deeds of its priest yet refuses to punish said priest and continues to object to the GLBT community at large.

2.) A person who follows a cult that was responsible for the merciless killing in inquisitions- Spanish inquisition and other such acts where it is said countless millions of people of other faiths had been burned at the stake by Jesuit priest and others.

3,.) A person who follows a violent confrontational religion that seeks control of every aspect of the world from government to individual.

4.) A person who follows Homosexual faith even though their church and the Vatican deny the homosexual nature of its priesthood.

5.)A person who follows a faith who history is written in the blood of innocent victims.

It is rumored that the Vatican has the name and location of every human born stored in a large computer.

It is further rumored that the Vatican seeks to implant all people with an ident chip 7-8 days after they are born to âidentifyâ a person when moving from one area to another or to track people. The technology used is similar to what is found in pet I.D. chips.

Example of a catholic:
And overly religious person who objects to any other point of view and who is as spineless as a jelly fish.

Example of the Catholic system of belief: A religion that is violent and intolerant. Most of its followers lack the ability to think for themselves and are often referred to as sheep

by anitchrist September 10, 2006

429👍 1646👎

Cornfed stupid

Cornfed stupid:
Or simply CFS

People who demonstrate such a high level of ignorance and inbreeding that they are only good for manual labor employment or better yet ground up as fertilizer for agricultural needs.

Description:
The typical CFS person defines their status mostly by the size of their transportation. Which is the pickup truck. This is very important if a male intends on having a good chance to breed with the female (relative) of his choice The larger the pickup truck the more impressive he is to females (especially if the said truck has 4 wheel drive capability) and thus in the end larger truck =better choice. Children of CFS parents are sometime found to have genetic deformities. IE- 11 fingers rather than 10 and the ability to play the banjo from an early ageâ¦The typical CFS listens to country music and finds deep meaning in the words of one Merle Haggard Or Alabama. Songs like âokie from Muskogeeâ or âmountain musicâ have very deep spiritual meaning to them.

Favorite foods:
Mountain oyster. Which is the testicle of an adult pig that is apparently deep-fried.
Also corn on the cob, âstring beansâ hominy grits cornbread, chicken, pinto beans and pork chops.
It should be noted that in the country group - Alabama song âmountain musicâ the phrase âplay me some mountain musicâ was replace by an unknown musician to âoh fry me a mountain oysterâ this caught on quickly and many thought this would eventually become the anthem for West Virginiaâ¦

Allegiance:
The best way to identify a CFS besides their lack of teeth, mastery of English language or cleanliness is by their flag. Which happens to be the confederate flag. Usually CFS will place a sticker of the flag on their vehicle indicating their dislike of cultures other than their own and demonstrating a wide range of intoleranceâ¦

Employment:
CFS people can be found in professions such as septic service, coal mining and even corn farmingâ¦

Education:
The education of the average CFS used to be complete by the 6th grade. That has now changed to getting a G.E.D. and a 2-year tech school degree. (a considerable improvement from earlier times)
The children of CFS are subjected to a form of brainwashing commonly know as Sunday school, bible camp and recently Jesus camp. (Jesus camp where they worship a cardboard figure of President George Bush in addition to brain programming )

Locations:
Arkansas, Indiana, West Virginia , North Carolina, Utah, Kansas, Tennessee and Ohio tend to have the highest concentration of these people.

Hobbies:
When CFS are not working they like to spend their free time engaging in square dancing, country line dancing , cow tipping, cow or other forms of animal rape(more notes on sexual issues further in this text) and consuming large quantities of beer at their local bowling alley. CFS (mostly males do engage in homosexuality quite often. Besides animal rape. In private they tend to engage with others of the same sex while in public denouncing homosexuality as against their faith)

Faith:
CFS faith can be summed up as follows:
Most believe in the King James version of the bible despite that it has been re-written multiple times apparentlyâ¦They tend to believe in the profit Jesus who is said to have been a virgin birth.(a biological impossibility and fairytale equivalent to that of unicorns dragons and fairies)
And whoâs teachings according to the KJB are love and tolerance, Yet CFS tend to ignore his teachings when they have tied someone they consider evil to the back of one of their clanâs members Pickup truck and take said evil doer for a âlate night runâ A form of forced cardio vascular exercise by which the evil doer may not live. (yet another form of entertainment for the CFS)

Organizations:
Mostly the men form a club of sorts that displays love and brotherhood for them. They tend to follow Halloween traditions and disguise themselves as ghost with sheets and toast marsh mellows while burning a complementary cross on a neighbors yard.
In addition to provide beatings and many other free services for their community. They also control quite a bit of money, weapons and local government. Their guide of course for these activities is the previously mentioned King James Bible.
The womenâs organizational activities are as follows: Baking pies and bearing childrenâ¦thatâs about it.

Art:
mostly pictures of the civil war from what I have researched. Also images of their faith and quite a few painting of the mythical being one Jesus Christ who is said to have taught tolerance and peace (Strangely CFS seem to uphold the teachings of their profit while at the same time being intolerant and adversarial)

Cornfed Stupid:
Perhaps the best example of CFS are the majority of the people who live in the bible belt. Most of which are aolers. CFS people tend to breed with their sisters or 1st cousins, are racist, white (mostly) and go to church 3 times a week.
They can be recognized easily(men mostly) by a large lump protruding from the insides of their mouths, constant winter green smell, southern drawl and their constant spitting of brown juice from the large ball of tobacco they ingest through their tissues despite numerous warning of toxic side effects.

by anitchrist April 2, 2007

139👍 402👎

Cornfed stupid

by anitchrist April 3, 2007

120👍 375👎

orange crush

Orange crush:

Perhaps the best soda ever producedâ¦. invented by J. M. Thompson of Chicago in 1906.

presently owned by Cadbury Schweppes Americas Beverages, who market the soft drink in cans and bottles chiefly in the southeastern United States, where it is sold in most supermarkets. Crush is also popular in Canada, where it is distributed by Cadbury Beverages Canada.

Orange crush is considered by many peoples as the ultimate soft drinkâ¦ Rumors abound that the soft drink is so good it had gained interstellar popularity amongst many of our cosmic neighbors Some of which have strong feelings against the people of the Earth. Namely the Corvons. Who had over the years constructed a massive armada of ships to lay waste to Earth due to the never ending radio and television transmissions. â¦

Unknown of course to humans. The Corvons home planet was directly in the path of several quasars and other stellar phenomena that has an amplifying effect upon radio transmissions. As a result The Corvons home planet was bombarded with the constant boring low quality television and radio programming of 10s,20s,30,40s, 50s.,60s and now the 80s.That is because of course. Radio waves take many years to travel the vast distances of space. For example: the light you see from the sun takes 8 minutes 33 and 1/3 secs to reach our planet. The light seen from stars at night can be millions and billions of years in the past. Thus the light we see today from Corvo is the light of 1985 and vise versa â¦ Since the two systems are relatively close. â¦This of course conveys the shear vastness of space. Space is hugeâ¦It's incredibly hugeâ¦You just donât know how massive space really isâ¦

Moving right along. It is said that the Corvons developed a severe disgust for mankind. In fact. It is said that the straw the broke the camels proverbial back was in fact the Lucy show in the 1960âs And the show âMy three sonsâ which were among the primary televised series that infuriated their entire race. Furthermore. It is said that in the Corvo language the words âRicki I yi yi and lucy â can be approximated in the Corvo language to â We will conquer your world, plunder your riches and impregnate your femalesâ â¦

A scout ship had been sent 3 weeks before the scheduled attack. The ship had developed a coolant system problem and the crew landed in the middle of the Mojave desert â¦The repair was made but coolant was needed for their warp drive system. Since the Corvons looked sufficiently enough like humans so long as they wore loose clothes and avoided attention to their height and made no mention of their genitals or size thereof, They were able to obtain enough anti-freeze to cool their engines. But one of their members while scouting for supplies to repair the ship, having mistaken the beverage âorange crushâ for coolant promptly Teleported several hundred cases of the stuff into their ships cargo hold. It should be noted at this point that after the Corvons got a look at humans. They determined that the words âricki I yi yi and lucy â (which meant loosely in their tongue âwe will conquer your world, plunder your riches and impregnate your femalesâ and so forth) must have been a joke. After all. How could these humans expect to compete with their race with genitals that small? Needless to say. Angst was soon replace by amusement and soon everyone from the scout ship to the home world was soon having a big laugh and a sigh of relife â¦Thus human sexually became one of the many common jokes of the galaxy. But that is another storyâ¦

When the scout ship returned to their home planet. It was discovered by one of their crew that orange crush was the best thing she had ever tasted next to poisonous stinger of the giant bog beetles of Netas 4. But unlike the stingers of the giant bog beetles of Netas 4 there was a 100% probability that after ingesting the Orange crush. One would continue living. As opposed to the 76% probability that the ingestion of the other would in later hours of the day inflict massive painful bloated deathâ¦ Well; this was considered to be a major find. And the officials of the government soon realized that despite the earth peopleâs bad television programming and very small genitals. They had indeed made perhaps one of the most important contributions to the universe .It was later considered by the Corvo peoples that having to put up with horrible televised broadcast day and night was a small price to pay given that they had gained so much â¦However some of their peoples asked the question â why not simply destroy their planet anyway? We have the formula to produce orange crush. Why not simply put an end to them and be done with this?â Luckily for the Earth that their government felt otherwise Thus Earth would be sparedâ¦And only a small commando team was dispatched to take out quite a few syndication companies, advertising executives and networks Instead. In addition Earth now has quite a few improvements to the quality and technology of it's radio and television in addition to Corvon agents who run quite a few networks insuring better tv for all including humans despite their short ...span of attention.

Later on...
The progressive rock group R.E.M. Wrote and produced the song âorange crushâ ... After the lyrics had been properly translated by the scholars of Corvo. It was decided it would become their world's galactic anthem and is presently sung in the class rooms and hallowed halls of all of their institutions. When they say their equivalent to the pledge of allegiance ..the song Orange crush is played in the back groundâ¦

Since the Corvons are a space fairing race. Orange crush soon become known through out the galaxy and is now produced exactly the way it is on earth including the use of glass bottles, labeling in over 2000 languages - Copyright infringement not withstanding. Earth or rather Eee arth is know for one of the greatest beverages(and rock songs) to ever grace the known universe and is respected as the birth place there ofâ¦

Historically their have been many other beverages that have gained similar fame. Like for instance the drink created by Zaphod Beeblebroxâ¦The pan-galactic gargle blaster. The drink has a very adverse intoxicating side effect. But is none the less considered right up there with the poisonous stingers of the giant bog beetles of Netas 4 and Orange Crushâ¦

In fact contrary to the sentient life forms that exist on Netas 4 who blatantly object, There is a massive statue of a bottle of orange crush and smaller statue beside it of J. M. Thompson(inventor or orange crush) in the center of their main governmentâs building. The Corvons, Who for some reason still had a sence of humor after years of ear plugs, therapy and many attempts made by their scientist to find a way to filter our transmissions from their various means of electronics communications- had thought it fitting to create such a monument which in its self conveyed 3 important facts about humans. 1. That their race had created the best soft drink in the known galaxy. 2. Their extreme arrogance and 3. The size of certain aspects of their anatomy â¦which was made a sport of quite smartly by a tiny man statue standing beside of a giant bottle of orange crushâ¦

Orange crush: The greatest soda ever made.

it should be noted that a rogue group of scientist thought it would be wise if they could transmit a message to earth in an attempt to make them stop their transmissions. The message that was sent back was made simple so that the E Arth people could understand it... The message was simply this "Shut UP!"
However upon receiving the message by one of their many radio telescopes it was interpreted as stellar out-gassing and summarily dismissed as stellar noise...

A coincidence and probably a good point to make is that Orange Crush was invented the exact year of the first radio transmission by the people of the planet earth.

The first extended broadcast of the human voice was transmitted through the air on December 24, 1906 from Brant Rock, Massachusetts. A Canadian engineer, Reginald Fessenden, had worked for Thomas Edison in his New Jersey Laboratory, and later became a professor at the University of Pittsburgh.

Fessenden was convinced that the "wireless telegraph", which then carried only the sputtering dots and dashes of Morse code, could carry the human voice.

And although this brought great success in communications for the planet Earth It nearly brought about itâs doom. And had it not been for the invention of Orange Crush which occurred (with in the same year )as the first voice transmission. The Earth would be no more than a charred cinder floating through the abyss.

It is also rumored that Reginald Fessenden was very good friends with J.M. Thompson. And fearing the end of mankind though some cataclysmic event caused by his friends work with radio broadcast. He invented the best drink ever created. And although it was not his plan to stop the Corvons nor did he understand them or know anything about them. It would seem that intuition had indeed saved the day in the end. It is said that his thoughts when creating this product were something like this â if a man were to stand on the edge of oblivion he should have a great beverage in his right handââ¦- the unofficial theoretical quote supposed by a few dead beats and rock n roll people alikeâ¦

by anitchrist November 7, 2006

232👍 503👎

AOLer

1.)People for which seem to exist to torment helpdesk personnel...

2.)AN extremely ignorant person who lacks the ability to poor urine from a boot with the instructions on the heel.

3.)An extremely ignorant person who has no concept of birth control, turn signals on suvs , how to use a cell phone , or drive. Most of which herd together to form a loose collective of babbling idiots. Most of which work from 9am to 5p breed , sleep watch the same repetitive shows on television and fart out one kid after another. <human robot- drone-borg> They barely know how to use a cell phone , or drive. they seem to herd together to form a loose collective of zombie-like humans. Whoâs function seems to be to miss-spell every word in the English language , rant about issues that they are at fault for and cause help desk employees to have cardiac arrest, stroke, commit suicide or go postal in a fit of psychotic rage.

4.) A person who thinks that they are not on the Internet if they donât log in to Aol.

5.) People for which windows does not seem to have a start button, know what a program is, donât know that windows M.E. is obsolete, donât use a nic card in their obsolete computer and insist on using usb instead .People who unfortunately breed quite a bit but have a very low intellect. And are in fact the major contributing factor to the coming cataclysmic end of the human race.

6.) A person who thinks they are genius, Yet whoâs stupidity defies all reason or logic.

Aolers are often referred to in such manner as: , bottom feeding dredge fish
One who looses IQ point when they got to waste extraction, a plague to be exterminated...

The best example of an Aoler is seen during mid-day. One should observe them driving enourmous land vehicles that pollute the atmosphere. They can be seen trying to drive and use their cell phones- unsuccessfully And their screaming mutant children can be heard in most good restaurants or their unsanitary larva stage mutants can be seen in shopping carts near the meat section with a smelly diaper and a fly buzzing around the said mutantâs diaper. One should be careful when discussing computers in casual conversation around them as they all have issues with their computers they need assistance with and in all likelihood if they were to over-hear you discussing computers they would probably swarm you as you are the only one who might know how to fix their damaged machines.

by anitchrist August 25, 2006

430👍 300👎

catholic

Cornfed stupid

Cornfed stupid

orange crush

eminem

AOLer

Urban dictionary