Oz'ed

Getting Oz'ed: This terrifying and life-endangering event happens when a person originally from the East or West Coast of the U.S. moves to the Midwest part of the country, having left the house on foot or bike without checking the weather forecast during the spring and summer months, gets caught in a severe thunderstorm relating to a nearby tornado. Getting Oz'd most frequently results in severe anxiety attacks, apoplectic seizures, heartfelt statements of previously unconfessed love for platonic friends of the opposite sex, and panicky calls to loved ones relating their sudden decision to return to the Eastern seaboard as soon as possible, all from the safety of a nearby Pizza Hut which has lost electricity.

Example 1: Operator: What's your emergency? Oz'ed person: Help! I've been Oz'ed!

Example 2: Dude! I just moved here from Manhattan and I can't believe I got Oz'ed like that!! I really need to put weather alerts on my phone!!

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Canada's History

When the aphrodisiacal element present in ground moose antlers (chocolate) which stimulates the circulatory system and increases sexual libido, is imbibed in tall soy peppermint mocha frappucinos by a thousand Canadians watching the Stanley Cup finals, this depraved sex act has been known to occur in the stadium bathrooms. Starting with the pouring of maple syrup onto the nude, hairless, lithe bodies of affected Canadians, Canada's History ends with what can only be described as a game of drunken, syrupy-sweet Twister gone very, very wrong.

1. I'd like to go with you to the Stanley Cup, but I am afraid of what I've heard about Canada's History.

2. I've heard of Canada's History, but never really believed it until now!

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