Random
Source Code

Filipino

Filipinos, or Flips as they are better known as, are a species of sub-human from the Philippine Islands in the South China Sea. The islands serve as the world's largest zoo boasting many varied species of flora and fauna along with the indigenous sub-humans called Flips.

They are famed worldwide for copying famous inventions, cuisine, cultural traits and ideas and re-branding them as their own. They are however, also infamous for not being able to copy them perfectly and all their products end up working worse than the originals. When this happens, the typical Flip will then resort to lying about it, outright cheating more gullible folk or just plain stealing when all else fails.

As the world's only zoo nation. They are much loved for the spectacle they afford everyone else. From old favourites like the 'world's largest outdoor swimming pool whenever it rains', to 'electing an old boxer with possible brain damage to be a president'.

They also have the great honour of being the test bed for every chemical weapon deployed in human history. Mustard gas? It's called Mustard gas because it was first deployed in Makati, Manila.

The 'M' in Mustard was taken from the 'M' in Manila. Though the gas deployed at that time was significantly weaker than what is used today, hence the surviving, yet mentally retarded populace.

And that my friends is the example of a Filipino.

Person A: Man! That's a nice pair of shoes you got on!
Person B: These aren't shoes, they're flip flops!
Person A: Flip flops?
Person B: Yeah, you know, the skin of a flip? They're resilient as hell! More than a century of lying and stealing while believing their lies makes a flip quite resistant to the elements!

Person A: Man! That's awesome! Where can I get me some flips to skin?

Person X: Dude, these crummy "Filipino Pride" headphones broke after a day of use!
Person Y: Well yeah, it's "Filipino Pride" for a reason, you buy them to support the zoo, but you're meant to steal headphones from the other tourists!

by articulate November 17, 2014

35👍 41👎