roman

noun - an annoying college roommate. often, the roman will attempt to create uncomfortable homo-emotional moments between the roommates due to its periodic menstrual cycle. a roman can be identified with one or more of the following attributes: catching stray cats and keeping them to provide its own lonely pussy with company; wearing tight clothing, especially pants to show off its camel-toe; sleeping next to a machete as a precaution so that if too much blood flows from its vagina in the middle of the night, it can cut out the swollen tampon; lighting over 42 candles and placing them around the apartment as it masturbates to the bathroom mirror in the absence of "friends"; driving a green volvo wagon at high speeds with the windows down to air out its flapping vagina; in cases where its roommates leave it to run away, a roman will lock itself in its room for days as it cries in a whisper to its vagina; a roman's pet (such as lizards or fish) will kill themselves rather than suffer the nauseating stench which its festering vagina emits on a day to day basis.

if not clear by now, a roman will inherently have a vagina. this is due to a genetic mutation caused by being born in close proximity to the broken down nuclear sites of the former soviet union i.e. Chernobyl. in the event of encountering a roman, one MUST light it with a flaming glass of vodka; this is the only way it will leave you alone.

it is an unfortunate circumstance. one cannot control contingency.

I'm sorry I trashed your couch, bro.

What the fuck, dude! Why?!?

I had to. That fucking roman wouldn't stop threatening me with his machete because I didn't care about what he named his new beta-fish. After I lit him on fire, he was so upset, his vagina exploded. There was blood everywhere.

sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me

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