SPM

Acronym for Strokes Per Minute, a measurement for the speed at which one strokes the penis during masturbation. The average SPM for males aged 13-31 is 55 usually decreasing as the masturbator approaches middle age. A session with an SPM of 70 or higher usually lands the masturbator in either the emergency room or the burn ward.

Example 1

Guy A: Dude did you hear about Dillan, his SPM hit 90 last night!

Guy B: No way man! Is he ok?

Guy A: *Starts sobbing* Dude, they couldn't save it.

Example 2

"I imagined myself having slow, passionate sex with Rachel last night so my SPM never went past 40"

Example 3

"I only had 2 minutes to squeeze one off before the bus left so my SPM hit about 65"

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