Loompoomp foot

A debilitating health condition in which the feet are short, fat and hairy, with a high arch. Symptoms include constantly overheated feet due to poor temperature regulation abilities, and an obsessive urge to wet the feet before bed in a misguided attempt to attain optimal hydration. This leaves the feet smelling like soggy mothballs.

Not to be confused with chewed-up rat feet, where the toes are all different shapes, lengths and sizes and resemble the leavings of a rodent's breakfast, with a strong aroma of old milk.

Get those fat, wet feet out of my bed! You must have loompoomp foot!