cooperitis

Cooperitis is a phenomena in nature that generally occurs in fast-aging humanoid males who suffer from the physical paradox of denying he is going bald despite having ginger hair. Researchers in this field of medicine believe the disorder may be linked to tick or mosquito bites but admit that no cure has, or is likely, to be found, and advise patients to endorse laser treatment or to use flooring adhesive to eradicate 'rogue' follicles. Sufferers tend to be social pariahs and can use violence when the illness is broached. Famous examples include Ron Howard and Neil Kinnock.

"Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house not a creature was stirring, except the Cooperitis sufferer with ailments recurring, the stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St Nicholas would bring him new hair"