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An instrument used to measure the amount of retardation in a person or situation. The measurement is displayed in units of tard, with a low of one tard and a high of 100 tards. Similar to a Geiger counter.
Did you see how stupid that chick was? I got a reading of 63 tards on my tardtometer.
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When a guy stares at a chick, rubs his package, and shouts, "rub my package and I'll grant you three wishes!!!"
That chick was so hot, I had to give her an Aladdin package rub.
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Using your eyes to undress someone other than your partner. Generally done on the sly while with your partner.
I had some crazy ocular infidelity staring at those cheerleaders while Jen and I were at the game.
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The douche bag at the country club/ golf course/ yacht club who has to tell everyone about himself in a blow-hardy way.
Did you hear that Douche Baggington talking about his sailing vacation in the Caribbean? Who gives a fuck!
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After eating copious amounts of chili, you shit so much that it feels like you were anally raped.
The BBQ was great but the next morning I was chili raped on the shitter.
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