vampire cold

Symptoms of a common cold-type illness that seemingly disappear during the daylight hours, especially after waking, but then reappear in the evening, closer to sleep. Usually accompanied by a great deal of congestion and out right coughing.

Patient: "Yeah, I thought I had this thing kicked by noon, but noo, once the Simpsons were over, I was back to coughing up lung butter and suckin' down the Halls."

Physician: "Possibly cancer but more likely a vampire cold."

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doesn't come to my birthday parties

An answer to give when someone asks you if you know of a certain celebrity, or general VIP, but in all honesty you're clueless. A nearly desperate way to salvage some cool about not being in the know.

Person A: Hey, did you hear the new Lady Gaga single yesterday?

Person B: Nope . . . whoever she is, she doesn't come to my birthday parties.

Person A: What a surprise.

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saving myself for the marriage

an answer from the non-at&t customer to the perennial question of why s/he has yet to purchase an iphone; refers to the long-anticipated but yet-to-be consummated full-on hookup between apple's iphone and verizon wireless; may never happen

so smug iphone owner goes: no iphone yet buddy? don't you want to live in 2010-land with the rest of us hip kids?

and non-at&t customer comes back: no sir, i value the wholesome relationship that i have with my current carrier and so i am saving myself for the marriage

smug iphone owner attempts to console: that android-loaded phone you've got there looks o.k. you know . . . you should really value what you have in life

non-at&t customer has the last word: keep that hippy bullshit to yourself champ, i am not the settling type

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