Bruce

A shell who thinks it is a man and tries to steal your wife by telling her what she wants to hear and making her think you're not good enough and your marriage is doomed anyway so he can have his way with her. A Bruce is someone who thinks they're the best singer out there when you could totally kick his ass singing something like "Three Blind Mice" while totally drunk off your ass and singing with your head in a bucket. A Bruce constantly wears a hat to cover his stupid, ugly, pit of a head. A Bruce has a face worn down by years of eating, sleeping and shitting stupid. A Bruce is a two-faced jerkoff. Speaking of JERKOFF, A Bruce is a total freak who likes to masturbate while watching Oprah and America's Funniest Videos, and while reading the comics from the Sunday paper. Bruces often do not roam in herds and can't keep a mate because they don't know how to mount them properly. Bruces tend to migrate, but only go South, often forgetting the other directions entirely. A Bruce often keeps a guitar in a spare bedroom but doesn't know how to play it. A Bruce can usually play pool very well, but prefers pocket pool or solitaire, or pin the tail on the porn star, or let's see if I can nail another married woman, or how many fingers do you see, wait, let me take these out of my ass and count again.

Person 1: Hey, did you see that Bruce?

Person 2: Yeah, it looks really lame...probably from years of beating off while watching Judge Judy and Josie & The Pussycats on split screen, and eating mac & cheese in his boxer shorts with smurfs on them.

Person 3: Shut up you sick bastards, Bruce is right THERE!

Bruce: Hey, I'm trying to masturbate, can you keep it down?

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