Winter Haven

1) The place where the elderly go to die....but only after they drive slowly in the left lane in their obnoxiously large, white, American cars.

2) A city in Florida with an ass ton of inconveniently placed lakes.

3) Downtown Orlampa.

4) Snowbird central.

Person 1: Dammit! Why is this person in a Grand Marquis driving in the left lane 20 mph under the speed limit parallel to this guy in the Crown Victoria?!?!

Person 2: Because they're old, senile, and about to die. But I guess you'd drive slowly too if you couldn't see over the steering wheel...


Person 1: Wait...why the hell does Winter Haven have more lakes than Lakeland?

Person 2: Good question...


Person 1: Should we go to Warped Tour in Orlando or Tampa?

Person 2: Both!! Hells yeah for living in Orlampa!


Person 1: Why is everything so crowded all of a sudden??

Person 2: The snowbirds have migrated... They need to GO HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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