Tyler

Tyler is crust personified. His veins run with pure grain alcohol. I have personally witnessed him eat an entire nutria. Alive. His splotchy red facial hair is for camouflage against predators in his natural habitat of swamps and bayous. When threatened, Tyler will emit an ear piercing screech and burrow into the ground, also known as a fighting hole. The Tyler’s diet consists of wood chips, ethanol and lead paint. A solitary creature, he can be found wandering the woods looking for female deer to molest.

Saw a Tyler on my trail cam last week. He took a shit on a tree and stuck a squirrel to it...

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