queef

When, after an extended episode of concentrated reasoning, a lady realises that she has discovered a hitherto overlooked flaw in Einstein's Relativity Theory but coherent speech is made an impossibility due to an intense level of sexual excitement, she must resort to an audible vaginal emission to convey her profundities to any fortunate peer within earshot. The pungency of the resultant queef can be overpowering and is directly proportional to the originality and validity of the lady's deductions.

Man, mid-coitus: "Phwoah?! What was that?"
Lady, ditto: "That, Archibald, was a post-structuralist analysis of the novel A Room With a View by E.M. Forster."
Man: "It friggin' stinks!"
Lady: "Exactly!"

15👍 24👎

metal head

A metallic replacement glans for a penis that has rotted away due to such STDs as clamhydaherpacrabs(sic.) and gonosyphillaids.

Jake: "I was thinking the other day: all my best friends are metal heads,"
Storm: "Well you do look a lot like Ian McKellen,"
Jake: "Why should that have anything to do with it?"
Storm: "This is why me and you never get down and dirty Jake - you're such a dumbass,"

25👍 73👎

take heat

To submit oneself to a ravaging by a randy canine in the hope that it will not then hump the leg of someone coming to visit you.

Hurry Rover! The Priest's popping round at half past!

4👍 17👎

uber hottie

The kind of girl you'd bite your own hand off for. And then shit out your hand and eat it again, and it's all covered in shit this time. And then you'd stick your other hand up your bum to try and fish out the first hand but then the second hand gets stuck and when you try and yank it out it rips off as well and now you've got no hands cos they're both stuck in your ass but you don't care cos she's such an uber hottie!

That really fit girl off that thing that I like.

23👍 35👎

Lets beat

A call to arms elicited by the head of a group of mutual masturbators as a signal that the time has come for some serious meat-beating or clit-flicking.

Gentlemen, let's beat!

7👍 9👎

qeef

When, after an extended episode of concentrated reasoning, a lady realises that she has discovered a hitherto overlooked flaw in Einstein's Relativity Theory but coherent speech is made an impossibility due to an intense level of sexual excitement, she must resort to an audible vaginal emission to convey her profundities to any fortunate peer within earshot. The pungency of the resultant qeef can be overpowering and is directly proportional to the originality and validity of the lady's deductions.

Man, mid-coitus: "Phwoah?! What was that?"
Lady, ditto: "That, Archibald, was a post-structuralist analysis of the novel Bleak House by Charles Dickens."
Man: "It friggin' stinks!"

147👍 137👎

manjam

A homemade high-protein preserve traditionally distilled in two spherical receptacles. Best served in a series of short sharp jets over a pair of perfectly proportioned buns or baps.

Girl: "Eric, my fingers keep brushing against something hard in the popcorn. Is anything in there?"
Eric, popcorn bucket on his lap: "No, I don't think so. Here grab another handful."
---
five minutes later
---
Girl:"Eric, why does the popcorn suddenly taste like manjam?"
Eric:"Er..don't know. Probably just...er...no I really haven't a clue. Couldn't give ya one good reason, i'm afraid. Nope. Er, hang on, maybe...ah no...nope...I can't think why at all. Sorry. No idea."

90👍 37👎