Robbie Williams

Overpaid, over-rated pop singer.

Robbie Williams left Take That for a wedge of cash to form an initially successful solo career. Got into drugs, women, men, pies, rehab, more drugs, burgers, women, men, etc...
Even though his musical career is now on its arse he refuses to rejoin Take That, probably because he's embarrassed himself enough without them dragging him down further.
When life just gets too hard and he just can't work out what to do with all that money, he books himself into rehab where they can pander to his every whim and make everything all right again (kerching kerching).

75👍 135👎

sting

One-time successful recording artist with a face like a squashed crab.

Sting found fame with the Police then as a solo artist.
Totally self-absorbed, his main interests have since been tribes, singing in his bare feet (?) and tantric sex.

A word of advice Sting: if that's what tantric sex does to your face, then celibacy is WAY OVERDUE. And sort your hair out n'all, it's weird...

109👍 143👎

dinner medals

Food stains from your last meal.

Dinner medals come in different shapes, sizes and textures, and you can also scratch-n-sniff them.

tread on a frog

To break wind LOUDLY & UNEXPECTEDLY!!!

"lovely day for a walk Camilla"
"yes Charles, I was <<QQUUUAAAARRRKKKSSHHLLOOOOOPPPZZIPP>> .... errr pardon me"
"oh, did you tread on a frog dear"?
"yes, and I think I've shat myself n'all"

5👍 4👎

sharon osbourne

Surgically altered, squeaky-voiced middle-aged tramp masquerading as a perfect mom/music mogul.

"oh, my life is soooooo bad. I'm sharon osbourne and I'm super-rich and have a gorgeous house that my dogs have shat all up and my husband can't walk/talk/see/piss straight. My daughter's in/out rehab and my son's the same and my boob job was too big 'cos I can't see my feet.....of course I'll accept the Mum of the Year award, gotta keep the bank topped up after all..."

276👍 71👎

Sat Nag

The non-stop irritating voice emitted by a Sat Nav system when you have not gone the way IT wants you to go.

Driver "I know a quicker way, it's just down here"
Sat Nag "turn around, wrong way, don't go this way, you are wrong, I am right, turn around, cannot compute, turn around, wrong way, I am in charge, no, turn left at next junction, I make the decisions, you are wrong, I am the machine - you are merely the human, wrong way, you have errored, don't even think of switching me off, you'll get us lost if you don't turn around, wrong way, I'll drain your battery if you don't turn back......."

8👍 1👎

Spice Girls

5 talentless marketing gimps whose pathetic attempts to 'sing' had to be tweaked up to the eyeballs to MAKE them sound in tune. Made their millions by being marketed to such an extent it even enabled them to squeeze every last penny of pocket-money out of small children who bought their completely shite, and now worthless, merchandise.

Hey Spice Girls, where's your Girl Power now?
Posh: Chain-smoking twig who's desperately clinging to her cheating husband, dropped by record company
Sporty: No marriage, no kids, dropped by record company
Baby: Pregnant to on/off boyfriend, dropped by record company
Scary: 2 kids by 2 men (paternity case due), dropped by record company
Ginger: Kid by fella she dumped, dropped by record company
Never mind, you've still go all that money from all those little kids that believed in you.......

34👍 54👎