cutting the tarp

Improvsing with another waterproof object when you don't have a condom

I took this chic home last night. She wanted me to wrap it so I was cutting the tarp with a windbreaker instead.

Gay mirage

When a heterosexual checks out a member of the opposite sex and then realizes they are a member of the same sex, making yourself gay and shameful for a short time

I had a gay mirage when I drove by and beeped the horn at this chic bent over gardening in tight pants.Then they stood up and waved and it was an 82 year old man.